‘I Can’t Figure Out the Love Piece’ (Exclusive)

NEED TO KNOW

• 29-year-old Alissa DeRogatis decided to share a candid TikTok clip of why she feared she’d never find love

• DeRogatis tells PEOPLE she’s long struggled with dating pressures and the stigma of singlehood

• Now, she’s hoping her story will help others feel less alone in their journey

At 29 years old, Alissa DeRogatis did something many people only imagine but rarely attempt — she turned on her camera after a night out and confessed the kind of heartbreak that usually stays hidden.

Her viral TikTok, filmed after she cried herself to sleep, became an unfiltered portrait of loneliness and longing that resonated with millions.

“Last night I came home from the bar and cried myself to sleep because I feel like no one is ever going to fall in love with me,” DeRogatis tells PEOPLE. For her, the decision to share wasn’t about performance but about connection, a willingness to show the raw edges of her life instead of the polished perfection so common online.

She explains that posting came naturally, even in a vulnerable moment. “I found that being vulnerable and honest online has done nothing but open up my community to other people that are going through the same struggles as me,” she says.

That openness, however, is tied to years of questioning her role in relationships. “I feel like I’m a really good daughter, sister, friend, coworker, and I know that I’m gonna be a great girlfriend, great wife, great mom one day, but I feel like it’s definitely made me question how I show up in relationships in terms of romantically,” DeRogatis shares.

She admits that oversharing online doesn’t always translate to intimacy offline. “Like, am I giving too much or am I not giving enough and trying to find that middle ground?” she wonders aloud.

Her 20s, she says, have been marked by complicated love stories that rarely unfolded cleanly. “I got my start on TikTok from sharing that I was dating someone in college. We broke up, it turned into this like situationship, like neither one of us could let go for years, like longer than I care to admit,” she shares.

That experience led her to write a book titled Call It What You Want, inspired by the relationship, but dating after publishing brought unexpected challenges. “Once I started posting about my dating life online and being single, I felt like that has hindered my dating life a lot,” she explains.

Beyond the logistical complications, she has felt the weight of cultural expectations. “Because it’s shameful, it’s embarrassing,” DeRogatis says of why many avoid talking openly about loneliness. “Like even Taylor Swift getting engaged at 35, I don’t feel like that’s old in the grand scheme of anything, but for Taylor Swift specifically, that feels really young.”

Her viral video tapped into those unspoken pressures that women especially carry. “I think there’s just a lot of shame and embarrassment around not like fitting that norm, or if you want it, not having it yet,” she explains.

Even with an otherwise fulfilling life, she admits that love remains the missing piece. “Like I said in that video, I think my life is so amazing. The one part I can’t figure out is the love piece,” DeRogatis says.

She is candid about the inner dialogue that lingers. “It’s not like, oh, you’re not good enough at your job, so you can’t get promoted. It’s like, oh, there’s something wrong with you, so that’s why no one loves you yet,” she says.

The thought pattern is familiar to countless women scrolling TikTok late at night, which is why her video sparked so many responses. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” DeRogatis reflects, emphasizing that learning not to measure herself against others took years.

She recalls how isolating it felt when all her friends were in relationships. “I was like, wow, I’m the only one, I’m the only one with no plus one to a wedding, or I can’t get invited on a couple’s trip because I’m not a couple,” she shares.

Still, she reframed the loneliness into something empowering. “Am I still single? Yeah. But I’m more confident. I have a career path that I love. Like I spend every single day enjoying myself so… it’s not like I’m waiting for that right person,” she explains.

For DeRogatis, singlehood isn’t a void but an opportunity. “Another tactic I would say is like, feel good about being the only single one,” she says.

That perspective has allowed her to embrace the unexpected joys of independence. “Two of my friends and I, on a random Sunday after like three mimosas, were like, ‘Let’s go to Barcelona,’ [and we] booked a flight,” she recalls.

The viral post brought an avalanche of reactions, from celebrity comments to heartfelt confessions. “Trisha Paytas commented on it, which I thought was insane,” DeRogatis shares.

She was struck not only by the high-profile responses but by the sheer number of people who related. “I think it got almost 2000 comments, which is a lot, and for me at least, and I was really floored with the amount of people who felt the same way as me because you don’t see that discourse online or that conversation,” she says.

Her notifications were filled with encouragement, unsolicited advice and even flirtatious direct messages. “I did get a ton of DMs from people trying to like shoot their shot and date me, which I thought was really funny,” she adds.

The comments revealed how widespread these feelings are across ages and genders. “I was really interested to see how many young 20s people were in my comments, but also people saying, I’m 39, it didn’t get better for me, or, I’m in my 40s,” DeRogatis says.

While some reactions reinforced old stereotypes, others provided comfort and community. “It hit home for a lot of people, and that’s why I like to create content and be vulnerable online,” she says.

For DeRogatis, vulnerability is more than a personal outlet — it’s a mission. “I think it is those hard conversations that people are just afraid to have that need to be had for visibility and to make people feel less alone,” she explains.

She sees her role as offering younger women an alternative script. “I think this opens up the idea that that’s not the only answer because just because I’m single at 29 and I want a boyfriend or a husband doesn’t mean everyone does,” she says.

Her hope is that sharing honestly eases the shame so many carry in silence. “Those are the kind of conversations I wanna have, like as a creator, as a person to my friends, my family, people that don’t know me online,” she notes.

Despite the challenges of public vulnerability, she remains committed to authenticity. “I’ve struggled with how to bring people through my dating life online because like I wanna share those things and be honest, but at the same time, like I wanna be respectful to people that I’m going on dates with,” she admits.

Ultimately, she is determined not to compromise her standards. “I think it’s important not to settle because I do think it’s better to wait and be with the right person than to settle and be with the wrong one because you can’t get that time back,” she says.

Through tears and TikToks, DeRogatis has found purpose in the act of sharing what others might hide. “I hope it helps them feel less alone,” she says.

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She envisions her story as a roadmap through the uncertainty. “Just continuing to be honest and open and hope that one day my story ends with like, meeting the right person and then being able to be like, I went through all of these things but I didn’t settle and I wound up with the person that I didn’t think existed,” she says.

Even in the messiest moments, she insists on showing up fully, for herself and for her followers. “When you’re at your low and you feel really low, seeing other people at that same space I think helps,” she explains.

For now, she embraces the not knowing. “I just want someone to add value, not necessarily like take my life from bad to good, if that makes sense,” DeRogatis says.

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