Dane Cook once said on his 2005 Retaliation album that if he had superpowers, he’d want to be able to shoot spaghetti from his fingertips. On its face, it’s a kinda/sorta funny joke, but I liked the concept because it would be fun to see such a useless skill used in an attempt to fight crime.
Apparently, Winston Carter, Benjamin Crutcher, and Mark Potts also thought it was a good idea, since they made a 2016 movie called Spaghettiman based on that very thought. I’m not saying they ripped off the comedian who was somehow at the height of his popularity when he performed this joke, but it’s hard to ignore the parallel.
Spaghettiman is exactly what it sounds like: a guy has the oddly specific superpower of being able to shoot cold spaghetti from his fingertips. But if he rescues you from an assault, robbery, or worse, he’s going to sit there with his hand out until you pay him for his services.
Spaghettiman Is A Real Movie
Spaghettiman is a real movie in the sense that it exists, you can stream it, and it’s listed on IMDb. What it does not have is a budget, star power, or real sets. It’s a ridiculous passion project, but it works because it leans into absurdity.
Clark (Benjamin Crutcher) is unemployed and unwilling or unable to land a meaningful job. His roommate, Dale (Winston Carter), pushes pencils at the police department because he keeps failing the physical test that would earn him a badge. One night, Clark falls asleep on the couch while microwaving spaghetti, and a freak accident changes his life forever. When he wakes up, he discovers he has the ability to shoot spaghetti from his hands.
A Dumb Setup Executed To Perfection
I’ll be the first to admit that Spaghettiman has no redeeming qualities when it comes to production, but I also have to say how great this movie is. Clark has no interest in being a superhero. He uses his newfound powers to stop criminals from committing petty crimes, but only before demanding payment from the people he rescues. Spaghettiman’s actions are financially motivated, something he makes clear to Dale, who genuinely wants to serve and protect his community.
Clark’s antics never stop. As Spaghettiman, he runs around town wearing a paper bag with eyeholes, pelting bad guys with wet pasta to save the day. He then holds out his hand and waits for cash. He’s patient too. If a mugging victim passes out from stress, he’ll wait 45 minutes for them to wake up so he can collect his $60. With great power comes great fiscal responsibility, after all.
No-Name Actors Knew The Assignment
What makes Spaghettiman work is that its cast is fully committed to the bit. My favorite running gag involves Clark sprinting out to save the day, then having to double back because he forgot his keys. On paper, it isn’t funny. But Benjamin Crutcher sells it every time, showing how selfish and incompetent Clark is, even as he accidentally does some good for his community.
This movie isn’t going to change your life, but if you enjoy ridiculous low-budget projects, it delivers. I laughed out loud more than I’d like to admit, and with a tight 87-minute runtime, I’ll be throwing it on again whenever I need a palate cleanser after something heavy. Spaghettiman is absolutely worth your time if you go into it looking for something silly to take the edge off.
Spaghettiman is streaming for free on Tubi as of this writing. Honestly, I’d pay the standard four bucks to rent it again if I had to.
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