King Charles’ former butler debunks major royal protocol myths

Grant Harrold knows a thing or two about royal protocol.

The etiquette expert was King Charles III’s butler from 2004 to 2011. He recently wrote a memoir, “The Royal Butler: My Remarkable Life in Royal Service,” which details his experience serving the senior royals.

“I think a lot of people assume that when you meet the royal family, you’re supposed to bow or curtsy,” Harrold told Fox News Digital. 

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“You don’t. The monarchy’s website states it isn’t required — it’s entirely a personal choice. The king even had a discussion with me about it. He said, ‘When you bow or curtsy, you’re doing it to the title. You’re not doing it to the person.’”

Harrold noted that when meeting royals for the first time, etiquette calls for letting them lead the way.

“When you meet them, you should let them lead the handshake and the conversation,” he explained. “Some people get so nervous, saying, ‘I don’t know what to talk to them about. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.’ I remind people — let them guide it. They don’t ask tricky questions. They keep it lighthearted and easy.”

Even at lavish state banquets, Harrold said the royals prefer to keep things simple.

“What might surprise people is that when they sit down at these elaborate royal tables, with all the cutlery and glassware, they think that’s the main challenge. What really matters is the conversation,” Harrold said. “The king will talk to the guest on his right during the main course, then switch to the guest on his left for pudding and coffee.”

“That causes a chain reaction,” Harrold said. “Everyone has someone to talk to. You don’t talk or shout across the table — you only speak to the person next to you. But it starts with the king, and because the table is set with even numbers, everyone is paired. It’s quite a funny old rule.”

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While some royal rules have endured, others have been abandoned.

“You don’t start eating until the king begins, and when he finishes, the plates are taken away,” Harrold said. “These are very old etiquette rules. One rule that no longer exists is walking backwards — you don’t have to do that anymore. Now, when leaving their presence, you can simply turn and walk away.”

British broadcaster and photographer Helena Chard told Fox News Digital that some fashion rules for women have relaxed over the years.

“Contrary to popular belief, it is no longer mandatory royal protocol for women to wear tights,” she said. 

“The late Queen Elizabeth II preferred women in nude tights, believing it gave a polished look. These days, it’s a personal choice. Princess Diana often avoided tights, using tanning oil instead. Since the queen’s passing, we’ve seen Princess Kate embrace more power trouser suits — something Elizabeth wasn’t keen on during her reign.”

But one fashion rule remains in place, Chard said.

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“Princess Kate endured several fashion mishaps, including skirts flying up in true Marilyn Monroe style,” Chard said. “Queen Elizabeth introduced her to a secret weapon — curtain weights sewn into the hems of her outfits. They kept clothes hanging properly, and she hasn’t suffered any more embarrassing Marilyn moments.”

“While wearing lipstick, royals must always sip from the same spot on a glass to avoid smudges,” said British royals expert Hilary Fordwich. “Handbags are carried on the left, following the queen’s tradition.”

Royal expert Ian Pelham Turner told Fox News Digital there was a good reason for the late queen’s handbag habit: she used it to give secret signals during public outings.

“Moving it from one hand to the other signaled she was bored and ready to move on,” he said.

It’s not just the women who follow fashion rules.

“Boys in the royal family still wear shorts exclusively,” said royal commentator Amanda Matta. “They don’t wear long trousers until about age 8, a tradition tied to class and fashion history.”

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Fordwich said her favorite “royal rule” involves using specific words to remain prim and proper.

“There is vocabulary etiquette,” Fordwich said. “Royals never say ‘toilet’ — it’s ‘lavatory’ or ‘loo.’ Never ‘perfume’ — it’s ‘scent.’ And never ‘dessert,’ but always ‘pudding.’”

Some royal experts admitted that certain rules could use a modern update.

“One tradition I think is ready for change is the royal family being ‘weighed in’ before and after Christmas dinner,” Matta said. “It reportedly originated with King Edward VII, who wanted to ensure family members were enjoying the holidays.”

Chard added that guests were once expected to gain three to five pounds over the holidays to show they were enjoying their meals.

One dish you won’t see on the royal menu is shellfish.

“It’s off the menu,” Chard said. “Shellfish poisoning can wipe you out for days — not much fun when you have a grueling schedule.”

Darren McGrady, a royal chef for 15 years who also cooked for five U.S. presidents, previously told Fox News Digital that guests can expect plenty of etiquette rules during a state banquet.

“You wouldn’t take a banana off the tray and peel it like a monkey,” McGrady said. “You slice it into rings and eat it with a fork. With pears, you cut off the top and use a teaspoon.”

“Grapes are the easiest option because they’re served in small bunches. Pineapples may look whole on the table, but they’ve already been sliced — lift the top, and you’ll find rings with the centers removed. And if things get messy, finger bowls with warm water are provided to clean your hands.”

“I remember one state banquet where guests thought it was tradition to drink from the finger bowl,” McGrady said. “Nobody corrected them — at a state banquet, you just get on with it.”

Royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams told Fox News Digital that while the royals cherish tradition, they have relaxed on one strict rule.

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“Touching Queen Elizabeth was once a sensitive protocol issue,” Fitzwilliams explained. “Paul Keating, then the Australian prime minister, infamously put his arm around the queen in 1992, sparking fierce criticism and earning him the nickname ‘The Lizard of Oz.’ But when Michelle Obama put her arm around the queen’s shoulder in 2009 — and the queen reciprocated — they got on famously.”

Today’s royals continue to shed some of the old stiffness — a trend likely to grow, Fitzwilliams said.

“The king, as many have noticed, can be quite touchy-feely,” Fitzwilliams said. “Royal habits on selfies have also eased — they’re still discouraged, but exceptions are sometimes made.”