StubHub selling fake $5k New Orleans Jazz Fest 2027 tickets | Music | Gambit Weekly

According to ticket resale site StubHub tickets to the 2027 New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival are “in demand” and a “fire” ticket, with only a handful remaining on sale for anywhere from $940 for a general admission week one pass to $5,283 Big Chief weekend pass. As an added bonus, the site promises you’ll get a free paper copy of the ticket to keep as a “souvenir.”

But despite what their prominent Facebook ads may be promising, that seems pretty unlikely. Not because a printed-out receipt with a giant QR code can’t be a souvenir — Gambit is a no kink shaming zone, after all. Rather, it’s because the tickets are faker than a looksmaxxer’s Canadian girlfriend.

Just so we are completely clear: you cannot buy tickets for Jazz Fest 2027, at least not right now. Tickets simply are not on sale yet, and most likely won’t be until sometime next year. Besides any number of pandemics, hurricanes, fascistic dictatorships and global financial collapses could occur between now and next January, when festival organizers traditionally announce the festival’s lineup and ticket sales.

Plus, Jazz Fest ticket prices haven’t been set yet — so any face value “price” these fake tickets are based on is either totally made up or are from previous tickets. In fact, theoretically speaking, purchasing fake tickets could drive prices for real tickets up next year if festival organizers (again, theoretically speaking) decide there’s sufficient willingness amongst the public to pay what amounts to roughly 10% New Orleans’ median $56,000 income.

So while we fully expect a 2027 iteration of the festival, given the goofy timeline we live in right now it’s best not to count your brass passes before they hatch.

We asked StubHub about the tickets, their ads for them on Facebook and its policies regarding the sale of fake tickets, among other things. The company did not respond to a request for comment.

Jazz Fest did not respond to a request for comment.

Ticket scalpers have always been an unsavory bunch. In the 1970s and ’80s, they were the bane of many a teen’s existence for buying up all the tickets to the next Funkadelic or ELO show and then charging exorbitant prices. Many local and state governments passed laws against scalping, but like bans on nitrous tanks, they were rarely enforced.

Bands, DJs, actors, independent venue operators … pretty much everybody who makes their living off ticket sales hates them, too. Scalpers are essentially taking money out of their pockets by charging inflated prices. Because StubHub and other resale sites pop up at the top of Google searches, high resale prices can keep actual fans from buying real tickets direct from the vendor — which is especially upsetting in cases where the scalpers don’t even have tickets themselves.

It’s unsurprising that scalpers are universally loathed in pop culture as well.

In 1977, the iconic sitcom “What’s Happening?” took up the issue during “The Tickets,” in which Mama gives Raj two tickets to the upcoming Stevie Wonder concert. But when Raj decides to sell the tickets so he, JJ and Rerun can all go to the show, hilarity, hijinks and law enforcement ensue.

In the 1982 classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” local scalper Mike Demone not only rips fellow teens off for tickets he’s also a sexual predator and all around creep.

On “The Simpsons,” the evil “SeatMiser” buys all the tickets to the K-pop show Lisa wants to attend, and the gang goes on a predictably wacky adventure to obtain tickets and unmask the evil SeatMiser, and hilarity, hijinks, law enforcement and cartoon buttocks ensue.

StubHub and other resale sites haven’t done much to beat the rap and have essentially become the online version of the darkest corner of the stadium parking lot where scalpers lurked back in ye olden days of paper tickets and acid tabs. But unlike those parking lots, StubHub is getting a cut of the deal. For instance, each fake Big Chief pass sold on the site includes a $1,053 “fee” on top of taxes and the cost of the bogus ticket.

And StubHub isn’t passively standing by during the sale process. First off, they’re selling tickets on Facebook, the preferred platform of technologically challenged Jazz Dads everywhere who’ve never seen a phishing text message they didn’t immediately click the link in. The site also has a prominent countdown timer pushing prospective buyers to hurry up and buy now, and it promotes the tickets as don’t miss, hot, in-demand and with only a few left! So act now, gullible Jazz Dads.

And if you’re unlucky enough to fall for the con and want a refund — well, you better be ready to hurry up and wait. Reddit and other online forums are filled with complaints from consumers who either can’t ever get a refund, give up after being given the runaround by “customer service” or are forced to wait weeks or even months to see their money.

Currently, some states and local governments are considering ways to reign in the industry, including resale price caps and the creation of new price control powers. The U.K. recently fined StubHub more than $1 million over hidden fees, and the site has been harshly criticized over issues with World Cup tickets.