Three Kings, one Emperor, one Queen, five princesses, one crown prince.
Aside from the tourists delightedly glugging ranch dressing as they discover the many splendoured wonders of hydrolysed corn syrup, the MVPs of this World Cup have been the bevvy of royals turning up to show off their ability willingness to occasionally deign to wear jeans.
The Netherlands’ King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima danced in a dressing room, Jordan’s Princess Rajwa and Crown Prince Hussein brought their baby daughter Princess Iman, and future Queen or Norway Princess Ingrid Alexandra and her brother Prince Sverre Magnus sang from the stands.
However, notice a particular gap? Say a 6 feet 3 inch chap-shaped one in an unremarkable navy button up who now does a decent side line in ladding it up?
Prince William, wherefore art though?
The answer: 6,000km away, joining something called The Winkle Club and dodging having to see a certain sweet and sour president, according to a new report.
Of late, while the rest of the world’s royal families have been doing their patriotic bit by sitting downwind of a thousand cheese dogs and boosting for their national teams, the next head of state was in Hastings, Sussex meeting fishermen, playing mini golf and officially joining the Winkle Club. (Members can be asked to “winkle up” and to prove their membership by displaying the membership shells. I kid you not.)
Shells over national supporting? Probably the same choice that WIlliam the Conqueror would have made if he had understood the offside rule.
What’s remarkable is that as football fever has swept across the globe, even to the most MAGA-ish depths of the US of A, that William, the head of the national football body of one of the most football-obsessed nations on Earth, has not bothered to pop up at all in the US to barrack for Blighty.
It’s comforting to know that, so far, William is an equal opportunity shirker in this department, given he proved unwilling to interrupt his summer holidays to sit in a first class seat to come to Sydney to watch the English women’s team play Spain in the World Cup final in 2023. (He did manage to put out a video filmed with Princess Charlotte in the best tradition of pollies trying to demonstrate their feminist bonafides by reminding us they have daughters. A true ally.)
As with then, this World Cup, the Prince of Wales has so far proven completely disinclined to put his tray table in the upright position and to go all that way to cheerlead for England. It’s all very ra-ra-nahhh.
However, William’s reticence is reportedly about more than just what might otherwise look like a chronic case of CBA (Couldn’t Be A***ed).
Writing in his Celebrity Intelligence newsletter, better-connected than the mains grid, ex People editor Dan Wakeford has reported that the reason that the prince has not attended any World Cup matches is because he wants to “avoid any chance” of having to see Donald Trump.
A palace insider told Celebrity Intelligence: “Trump loves the royals, and William and Kate especially, so there are concerns within royal circles that if William turns up in America right now, Trump makes a beeline for him. William’s done more than enough Trump-time over the past year.
“He doesn’t want to be associated with Trump more than he needs to be. As a future head of state he knows he has to engage with world leaders and press the flesh, but he wants to keep his distance where he can. Turning down a meeting on home soil would be a bad look.”
Clearly William’s chicken nugget needs are being met at home.
Unfortunately for the prince, the US president is a die-hard royal fan such that if it turned out that Mr Trump is converting an entire room in the West Wing to house his collection of commemorative Jubilee tea towels and regal hair samples, no one would blink.
Mr Trump was full of praise after a private meeting with William in Paris in December 2024: Mr Trump said he was doing a “fantastic job” and was a “good looking guy … He looked really, very handsome,” which is a very normal thing for a president to say after a diplomatic meeting. (You couldn’t shut Reagan up about François Mitterrand’s baby blues.)
Time did not dim his HRH tendresse, saying of William after last year’s historic second state that the Prince of Wales was “remarkable” and “amazing”.
So what happens if the England squad makes this weekend’s final in Dallas? Prince will meet plane, as he’s promised to go and therefore, maybe the president too.
Appearing on Travis Kelce’s podcast earlier this month, the episode coming out the same day that Kelce and Taylor Swift married proving the DSM-worthy pathological perniciousness of the princess fantasy, William said he would “definitely” attend if England got down to the final two.
With the English team set to play in the semi-finals against Argentina on Wednesday night, US time, there’s now a 50/50 chance he will have to follow through on that promise.
Despite the Prince of Wales having increasingly carved out a role as a striding international statesman, it’s not all Davos-ian love-ins and Bilderberg tote bags.
In the coming days, no matter how many shells he might have, William might not be able to ‘winkle out’ of a sit down with Mr Trump.
Daniela Elser is an editor and commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with Australia’s leading media titles.
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