<\/p>\n
\u201cJimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>\u201d guest host Tiffany Haddish<\/a> didn\u2019t mention President Donald Trump<\/a> during Monday night\u2019s monologue, but she seemed to have him in mind as she jokingly announced she was running for president herself. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got all the qualifications to be president,\u201d she said, then listed three things she has in common with Trump. \u201cI\u2019m rich, I\u2019ve been arrested a few times, and I always say crazy shit.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n She has one other important qualification as well. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve had an actor as president, a reality host president, but now it\u2019s time to elect a comedian,\u201d she said. \u201cFinally, a president who\u2019s funny on purpose, most of the time.\u201d <\/p>\n<\/div>\n Haddish delivered a campaign-style speech unveiling a platform that includes paying taxes with old gift cards. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cWe\u2019re gonna run this country, this government, like a company,\u201d the comic\/actor said. \u201cAnd that company is Sizzler.\u201d <\/p>\n<\/div>\n Her platform includes requiring credit scores on dating site profiles, pastrami at all Subway locations, and retooling delivery robots to become sex toys. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cNo more STDs, y\u2019all,\u201d she vowed. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n But her biggest promise was something more profound.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cMy campaign is built around a very simple idea: America, mind your own damn business,\u201d she said. \u201cDoesn\u2019t that sound nice?\u201d <\/p>\n<\/div>\n That promise called to mind something Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz<\/a> said as he ran for vice president on last year\u2019s Democratic ticket. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cIn Minnesota, we respect our neighbors and the personal choices that they make,\u201d he said on the campaign trail<\/a>. \u201cAnd even if we wouldn\u2019t make the same choices for ourselves, we\u2019ve got a golden rule: Mind your own damn business.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Check out Haddish\u2019s take on that \u201cgolden rule\u201d in her Monday night monologue: <\/p>\n<\/div>\n 20 Years Of<\/span>Free<\/span>Journalism<\/span><\/p>\n Your Support Fuels Our Mission<\/p>\n Your Support Fuels Our Mission<\/p>\n