<\/p>\n
I never considered myself someone who could possibly end up in an abusive relationship. I\u2019m type-A, I do well at things, I\u2019m pragmatic, assertive. I think overall I\u2019m a reasonably aware person. And yet I ignored red flag after red flag from the get go. Expensive gifts, love bombing, intense attention, isolation.<\/p>\n
Once I realised in my gut that things weren\u2019t right, I was too far into it, I felt trapped by my own shame. I was embarrassed that even with all my privilege \u2013 educated, loving supportive family background \u2013 I\u2019d managed to get into something so damaging. Part of it was I was desperate not to fail. I kept hearing people around me talk about how \u201chard\u201d was normal and that you had to work at it every day. So I put my head down and I tried. Everything.<\/p>\n
<\/svg><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\nPeople would describe him as fiercely loyal \u2013 unless they made a misstep. His inner circle of friends are some of the most wonderful people I\u2019ve ever come across. I guess we were all drawn in by the same thing. Funny, a raconteur, handy, very generous \u2013 at times. He was also quick to cut people off. Never to mend the relationship. Highly critical of friends and family behind their backs. In my ignorance I went along with his assertion that almost everyone in the town in which we lived had wronged him in some way or was an idiot.<\/p>\nThe insidious nature of an abusive relationship is part of the problem \u2013 until you sit down and take stock properly it\u2019s very hard to identify. I worked out part way through what the issue was \u2013 not enough love for himself and therefore had no capacity to extend it to others. In my eternal wisdom I was certain I could help \u2013 I had plenty of love to give and \u2013 I did love him. I was sure I could change the way he was treating me. I thought that because I knew what it was I wasn\u2019t a victim.<\/p>\nI wasn\u2019t a shrinking violet either \u2013 I would often call out the behaviour, which would then be met with apologies and I\u2019ll never do that again\u2019s and love bombing and so it went around. I was lucky to have the escape of work, which he seemed equal parts proud and jealous of.<\/p>\nI had a constant base level of anxiety anytime I was arriving home. I never knew what I was walking into, it could be fine and nice and normal \u2013 or I might have left the lights on or not put something away in the correct manner and walk into a total shitstorm.<\/p>\nBeing berated in front of people, not being allowed to move things in our home, making sure to have very short showers (only ever wash my hair when I knew he was out of the house), clean up behind myself at all times, turn a light off as soon as I leave the room, park the car in the garage in the correct manner. Tip-toeing became my default at home.<\/p>\nAnyone listening closely to my lyrics over the years will have noticed this is not the first time I\u2019ve written about that chapter of my life \u2013 go back to Already Gone<\/i>, Just \u2018Cause You Don\u2019t Want Me<\/i>, Darkness<\/i>, Don\u2019t Wait<\/i>.. the list goes on.<\/p>\nSince Don\u2019t Leave the Light On<\/i> was released I have had a flood of feedback and messages from people across the spectrum of experience. While it\u2019s gratifying that the song is connecting widely, my heart hurts to know that so many others have been through it or are still stuck.<\/p>\nOne of the fortunate things about being a writer is that the nature of the work helps to process things. Because I was writing about it before I left the relationship, in a way it was like letting go in advance. I don\u2019t feel burnt or hold any bitterness. I am genuine when I say I wish him well.<\/p>\nIt feels very strange to write explicitly about a life I kept extremely private for a long time. The choice to speak publicly isn\u2019t one I take lightly, honestly I\u2019d rather just sing about this stuff. I offer my story in the hope that someone might see themselves in it, and find the courage to get out sooner than I did.<\/p>\nFor anyone concerned about my situation, I have a best-case scenario ending for you: I got out, met the love of my life, and now have a large chaotic family with my best friend.<\/p>\nDon\u2019t Leave the Light On by Mel Parsons is available now <\/b><\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u2018 The preceding article may include information circulated by third parties \u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n \u2018 Some details of this article were extracted from the following source www.nzherald.co.nz \u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I never considered myself someone who could possibly end up in an abusive relationship. I\u2019m type-A, I do well at things, I\u2019m pragmatic, assertive. I think overall I\u2019m a reasonably aware person. And yet I ignored red flag after red flag from the get go. Expensive gifts, love bombing, intense attention, isolation. Once I realised […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_social_meta":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[25179],"tags":[395559,22847,395558,395567,25060,39321,395561,306881,395560,349843,120577,21800,22587,395564,395556,352927,395557,384986,22535,395563,395565,395566,395562],"class_list":["post-2095025","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","tag-abusive","tag-album","tag-an","tag-aotearoa","tag-awards","tag-been","tag-her","tag-how","tag-inspired","tag-latest","tag-mel","tag-music","tag-musician","tag-nominated","tag-nz","tag-on","tag-parsons","tag-prize","tag-relationship","tag-singersongwriter","tag-taite","tag-year","tag-zealand"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2095025"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2095026,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions\/2095026"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2095025"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2095025"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2095025"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
People would describe him as fiercely loyal \u2013 unless they made a misstep. His inner circle of friends are some of the most wonderful people I\u2019ve ever come across. I guess we were all drawn in by the same thing. Funny, a raconteur, handy, very generous \u2013 at times. He was also quick to cut people off. Never to mend the relationship. Highly critical of friends and family behind their backs. In my ignorance I went along with his assertion that almost everyone in the town in which we lived had wronged him in some way or was an idiot.<\/p>\n
The insidious nature of an abusive relationship is part of the problem \u2013 until you sit down and take stock properly it\u2019s very hard to identify. I worked out part way through what the issue was \u2013 not enough love for himself and therefore had no capacity to extend it to others. In my eternal wisdom I was certain I could help \u2013 I had plenty of love to give and \u2013 I did love him. I was sure I could change the way he was treating me. I thought that because I knew what it was I wasn\u2019t a victim.<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t a shrinking violet either \u2013 I would often call out the behaviour, which would then be met with apologies and I\u2019ll never do that again\u2019s and love bombing and so it went around. I was lucky to have the escape of work, which he seemed equal parts proud and jealous of.<\/p>\n
I had a constant base level of anxiety anytime I was arriving home. I never knew what I was walking into, it could be fine and nice and normal \u2013 or I might have left the lights on or not put something away in the correct manner and walk into a total shitstorm.<\/p>\n
Being berated in front of people, not being allowed to move things in our home, making sure to have very short showers (only ever wash my hair when I knew he was out of the house), clean up behind myself at all times, turn a light off as soon as I leave the room, park the car in the garage in the correct manner. Tip-toeing became my default at home.<\/p>\n
Anyone listening closely to my lyrics over the years will have noticed this is not the first time I\u2019ve written about that chapter of my life \u2013 go back to Already Gone<\/i>, Just \u2018Cause You Don\u2019t Want Me<\/i>, Darkness<\/i>, Don\u2019t Wait<\/i>.. the list goes on.<\/p>\n
Since Don\u2019t Leave the Light On<\/i> was released I have had a flood of feedback and messages from people across the spectrum of experience. While it\u2019s gratifying that the song is connecting widely, my heart hurts to know that so many others have been through it or are still stuck.<\/p>\n
One of the fortunate things about being a writer is that the nature of the work helps to process things. Because I was writing about it before I left the relationship, in a way it was like letting go in advance. I don\u2019t feel burnt or hold any bitterness. I am genuine when I say I wish him well.<\/p>\n
It feels very strange to write explicitly about a life I kept extremely private for a long time. The choice to speak publicly isn\u2019t one I take lightly, honestly I\u2019d rather just sing about this stuff. I offer my story in the hope that someone might see themselves in it, and find the courage to get out sooner than I did.<\/p>\n
For anyone concerned about my situation, I have a best-case scenario ending for you: I got out, met the love of my life, and now have a large chaotic family with my best friend.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t Leave the Light On by Mel Parsons is available now <\/b><\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
\u2018 The preceding article may include information circulated by third parties \u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n \u2018 Some details of this article were extracted from the following source www.nzherald.co.nz \u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I never considered myself someone who could possibly end up in an abusive relationship. I\u2019m type-A, I do well at things, I\u2019m pragmatic, assertive. I think overall I\u2019m a reasonably aware person. And yet I ignored red flag after red flag from the get go. Expensive gifts, love bombing, intense attention, isolation. Once I realised […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_social_meta":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[25179],"tags":[395559,22847,395558,395567,25060,39321,395561,306881,395560,349843,120577,21800,22587,395564,395556,352927,395557,384986,22535,395563,395565,395566,395562],"class_list":["post-2095025","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","tag-abusive","tag-album","tag-an","tag-aotearoa","tag-awards","tag-been","tag-her","tag-how","tag-inspired","tag-latest","tag-mel","tag-music","tag-musician","tag-nominated","tag-nz","tag-on","tag-parsons","tag-prize","tag-relationship","tag-singersongwriter","tag-taite","tag-year","tag-zealand"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2095025"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2095026,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions\/2095026"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2095025"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2095025"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2095025"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\u2018 Some details of this article were extracted from the following source www.nzherald.co.nz \u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I never considered myself someone who could possibly end up in an abusive relationship. I\u2019m type-A, I do well at things, I\u2019m pragmatic, assertive. I think overall I\u2019m a reasonably aware person. And yet I ignored red flag after red flag from the get go. Expensive gifts, love bombing, intense attention, isolation. Once I realised […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_social_meta":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[25179],"tags":[395559,22847,395558,395567,25060,39321,395561,306881,395560,349843,120577,21800,22587,395564,395556,352927,395557,384986,22535,395563,395565,395566,395562],"class_list":["post-2095025","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","tag-abusive","tag-album","tag-an","tag-aotearoa","tag-awards","tag-been","tag-her","tag-how","tag-inspired","tag-latest","tag-mel","tag-music","tag-musician","tag-nominated","tag-nz","tag-on","tag-parsons","tag-prize","tag-relationship","tag-singersongwriter","tag-taite","tag-year","tag-zealand"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2095025"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2095026,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions\/2095026"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2095025"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2095025"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2095025"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
I never considered myself someone who could possibly end up in an abusive relationship. I\u2019m type-A, I do well at things, I\u2019m pragmatic, assertive. I think overall I\u2019m a reasonably aware person. And yet I ignored red flag after red flag from the get go. Expensive gifts, love bombing, intense attention, isolation. Once I realised […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_social_meta":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[25179],"tags":[395559,22847,395558,395567,25060,39321,395561,306881,395560,349843,120577,21800,22587,395564,395556,352927,395557,384986,22535,395563,395565,395566,395562],"class_list":["post-2095025","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","tag-abusive","tag-album","tag-an","tag-aotearoa","tag-awards","tag-been","tag-her","tag-how","tag-inspired","tag-latest","tag-mel","tag-music","tag-musician","tag-nominated","tag-nz","tag-on","tag-parsons","tag-prize","tag-relationship","tag-singersongwriter","tag-taite","tag-year","tag-zealand"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2095025"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2095026,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2095025\/revisions\/2095026"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2095025"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2095025"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celebrity.land\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2095025"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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