When you sign on for \u201cIf I Had Legs I\u2019d Kick You,\u201d there is no escape.<\/p>\n
No matter how much you might want one.<\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t to say writer and director Mary Bronstein\u2019s film, about the agonizing deterioration of a woman whose life is falling down around her in near-apocalyptic fashion, isn\u2019t worth watching. It is, very much so. Rose Byrne\u2019s gonzo portrayal of a woman over the edge is flat-out brilliant, the most powerful thing she\u2019s done and one of the best performances of the year.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s just \u2026 a lot. It\u2019s to Bronstein\u2019s credit that her direction is relentless, her focus unwavering. She holds the fearless Byrne in tight closeup for a lot of her film; she can\u2019t escape, either. Not from anyone or anything.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s to Byrne\u2019s credit that as the pressure builds we don\u2019t run screaming from the theater. She\u2019s that compelling.<\/p>\n
What is ‘If I Had Legs I’d Kick You’ about?<\/h2>\n
The film opens with a closeup of Linda (Byrne); it\u2019s a perspective we\u2019ll grow to expect and dread. Her husband (Christian Slater) is out of town for weeks, leaving her to take care of their daughter (Delaney Quinn), who is suffering from a mysterious malady that isn\u2019t getting any better. She can\u2019t gain weight. What\u2019s more, she\u2019s tethered at night to a feeding tube, connected to a relentlessly beeping machine. Linda has to change out bags of liquid nourishment seemingly all night.<\/p>\n
Her daughter\u2019s doctor (Bronstein) is openly antagonistic and makes noises about a change in care, whatever that means. It can\u2019t be good.<\/p>\n
Linda is also a therapist \u2014 and a patient. Her therapist is played with an assured smoldering hostility by Conan O\u2019Brien \u2014 yes, the former late-night host and \u201cSimpsons\u201d writing legend. At one point Linda asks why he doesn\u2019t like her. It\u2019s a fair question.<\/p>\n
Oh, and there\u2019s the hole. One night, after returning from the doctor, a flooded apartment floor leads to the ceiling collapsing, leaving a gaping hole. It\u2019s ugly and it forces Linda and her daughter to a seedy motel.<\/p>\n
But it\u2019s more. It\u2019s the maw that Linda stares into, is drawn into, cannot escape. It\u2019s her life, her shortcomings, her frustrations, everything that is wrong embodied in one empty place.<\/p>\n
Or maybe it\u2019s just a hole. Depends on who you ask.<\/p>\n
The movie becomes more surreal, and more nerve-wracking, as Linda spirals, making worse and worse decisions. There\u2019s a running fight with the parking attendant at her daughter\u2019s doctor\u2019s office. Worse, one of her patients, a young mother (Danielle Macdonald) who is obsessed with the idea that she will harm her newborn son, goes to the bathroom during a session and never comes back, leaving the baby in the office. No one exactly falls all over themselves to help Linda find her.<\/p>\n
Rose Byrne’s performance is flat-out brilliant<\/h2>\n
It just starts out as too much and gets worse from there. Linda seeks some solace in sneaking off to a little yard on the motel property to down a bottle of wine and smoke marijuana, while she leaves her daughter sleeping, carrying on a passive-aggressive frenemy relationship with James (A$AP Rocky), the motel manager. He\u2019s the friend most of the time, while she\u2019s the enemy.<\/p>\n
Rose Byrne in ‘If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.’<\/p>\n
It sounds like a tough watch, and it is. I genuinely felt stress watching the movie, uneasy in my seat, dreading what might come next. But the film is also funny, in a jet-black humor kind of way. For instance, when Linda finally caves to her daughter\u2019s incessant requests \u2014 demands \u2014 for a hamster, things go catastrophically wrong. It\u2019s awful, terrible, so bad. And so funny.<\/p>\n
Bronstein is good that way, giving the audience some pressure-relief valves. \u201cIf I Had Legs I\u2019d Kick You\u201d would be unbearable without them.<\/p>\n
Actually, that\u2019s not true. Bryne\u2019s performance is so brilliantly unhinged, such a thing of chaotic beauty, that the film would be worthy of study anyway. Bronstein makes it something more.<\/p>\n
‘One Battle After Another’ is great: <\/strong>Why it hit too close to home<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n Great \u2605\u2605\u2605\u2605\u2605 Good \u2605\u2605\u2605\u2605<\/p>\n Fair \u2605\u2605\u2605 Bad \u2605\u2605\u00a0Bomb\u00a0\u2605<\/p>\n Director: <\/strong>Mary Bronstein.<\/p>\n Cast:<\/strong> Rose Byrne, A$AP Rocky, Mary Bronstein.<\/p>\n Rating: <\/strong>R for language, some drug use and bloody images.<\/p>\n How to watch: <\/strong>In theaters Friday, Oct. 24.<\/p>\n Reach Goodykoontz at\u00a0bill.goodykoontz@arizonarepublic.com<\/a>. Facebook:facebook.com\/GoodyOnFilm<\/a>. Media commentary with a side of snark? Sign up for\u00a0The Watchlist newsletter\u00a0with Bill Goodykoontz.<\/p>\n‘If I Had Legs I’d Kick You’ 4 stars<\/h2>\n