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Across the pond, Prince William and King Charles are working to pare down the monarchy to make it more relatable in 21st-century society.<\/p>\n
But here in the United States, Meghan Markle \u2014 who spent less than two years as a working royal \u2014 seems to be reveling in pomp and stuffy formalities<\/a>.<\/p>\n A new Harper\u2019s Bazaar cover story<\/a> reveals the depths of her self-importance, as the writer notes the hoity-toity spectacle that played out at an Upper East Side brownstone belonging to Markle\u2019s friend:<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I enter, the house manager announces, \u2018Meghan, Duchess of Sussex,\u2019 even though we appear to be the only other two people in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n You seriously can\u2019t just open the door yourself? Maybe give your friend\u2019s help the day off?<\/p>\n The scene immediately conjures up the old \u201cSaturday Night Live\u201d sketch in which Garrett Morris, playing a crier at a Victorian-era ball, announces the arrival of \u201cLord and Lady Douchebag<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n Most people would burst into hysterics hearing their name and title announced to a party of one \u2014 or even announced at all.<\/p>\n But not Markle, who has no sense of humor or proportion. <\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t like things that feel overly realized,\u201d she actually says. \u201cIf you overwork the dough, it\u2019s not going to rise.\u201d<\/p>\n She only has an aggrandized view of herself: In her mind, she\u2019s a humanitarian. A crusading feminist. A founder.<\/p>\n All of that is evident in this piece, which touts how Markle is meeting \u201cher moment\u201d and finally able to \u201cauthor her own chapter.\u201d<\/p>\n Yes, finally, she is able to define herself in her own words.<\/p>\n Forget the notorious Oprah interview<\/a>, when she painted her in-laws as cold racists unwilling to help her weather mental health woes. And it must have been difficult for Markle to let others frame her narrative in a little Netflix docu-series called \u201cHarry and Meghan<\/a>\u201d \u2014 that was also produced by the titular couple and featured them airing even more royal dirty laundry.<\/p>\n Never mind her two podcasts, where all she did was yap.<\/p>\n Friends like Serena Wiliams coo about her kindness in the story, which retreads the classics: the precocious letter she wrote to Proctor and Gamble as a 12-year-old protesting gender stereotypes;\u00a0her LA childhood during the \u201ccinematic\u201d Rodney King riots; the false premise that she faced \u201cintense\u201d public\u201dvitriol\u201d as soon as she started dating Harry.\u00a0<\/p>\n In other words, nothing new because she has nothing exciting\u00a0going.<\/p>\n And yet \u2014 Markle is so vainglorious that she\u00a0has her rep present during an interview at the incredibly public\u00a0Beverly Hills Hotel. <\/p>\n After all, her people need to ensure she\u2019s not misquoted or pressed too hard during a visit to the La Brea Tar Pits with a group of STEM schoolgirls.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know how any woman could see a young girl and not see herself in her, especially at that age,\u201d Markle said.<\/p>\n As for her own kids: \u201cI hope they see the value of being brave. They saw it when the jam was just a pot on the stove, bubbling.\u201d <\/p>\n Vomit.<\/p>\n In actuality, this \u201cmoment\u201d Harpers Bazaar writes about is one in which Markle is becoming a Hollywood has-been with overhyped and underwhelming projects.<\/p>\n I declare thee the duchess of duds.<\/p>\n Since tapping the royal vein dry, she\u2019s had to rely on her own ideas.<\/p>\n There\u2019s the lifestyle brand As Ever, selling flower sprinkles, sickly sweet jam and scented candles. Her Netflix series, \u201cLove, Meghan,\u201d has been a devastating snoozefest<\/a>, set in a rented mansion where Markle makes lavender towels and crop dusts viewers with the word \u201cjoy.\u201d<\/p>\n Not surprisingly, the series didn\u2019t crack<\/a> the streamer\u2019s Top 300 most-watched titles.<\/p>\n Her first podcast lasted a season at Spotify. The second one was killed off that quickly, too.<\/p>\n