\u201cSaturday Night Live\u201d<\/a> tried to cover as many headlines as possible as it kicked off the first episode of 2026 with a riff on the entire White House cabinet<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n The show\u2019s resident President Donald Trump<\/a> impersonator, James Austin Johnson<\/a>, started the sketch by bragging about his Christmas haul, namely two souvenirs from U.S. forces\u2019 early January raid into Venezuela<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cI got what I wanted: My very own someone else\u2019s Nobel Prize,\u201d he gloated, holding up a framed award with his name sloppily taped over the original.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Venezuelan opposition leader Mar\u00eda Corina Machado handed her Nobel Peace Prize over to Trump<\/a> on Thursday, an apparent bid to curry favor as the U.S. tightens its grip on the oil-rich South American nation.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Johnson\u2019s Trump then boasted that Venezuelan President Nicol\u00e1s Maduro<\/a> had turned up in his stocking, calling the president\u2019s Jan. 3 capture a \u201creverse-Santa.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cWe came down the chimney with a bag and took him away,\u201d he said of Maduro, who is now in U.S. custody facing drug charges<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Nodding to \u201cFrankenstein\u201d director Guillermo del Toro, Johnson introduced his \u201clittle cabinet of curiosities,\u201d describing the group as \u201cvarious monsters and nightmares from the twisted mind of Guillermo del Trump.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n As Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem<\/a>, Ashley Padilla took the podium in full glam and a cowboy hat, attempting to minimize outrage over the surge of immigration enforcement in Minnesota.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cThere\u2019s been clashes on both sides in Minneapolis. And have we been perfect? Yes,\u201d Padilla\u2019s faux Noem declared, airbrushing operations that included the Jan. 7 killing of a woman by an ICE agent<\/a> and widespread reports of excessive force.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cI know a lot of people looking at the situation in Minnesota are wondering the same thing: \u2018Can I join ICE?\u2019\u201d she added, before rattling off a brutal checklist.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cIs your neck wider than your head? Are you currently wearing a Punisher T-shirt? Have you ever punched a hole in the wall because your son took a dance class?\u201d she asked. \u201cIf the answer is \u2018yes,\u2019 then grab a gun, any gun, and saddle up, big boy.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Next to the lectern was Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth<\/a>, played by a boisterous Colin Jost, who swaggered in clutching a tub of creatine.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Summing up the administration\u2019s military posture in the crassest way possible, Jost declared, \u201cWe went into Venezuela and como se dice?<\/em> We tea-bagged their country.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve been rockin\u2019 out with our C\u2019s out all over the world,\u201d he continued. \u201cWe dunked on Venezuela. Next, we\u2019re gonna sack-tap Iran.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Jost\u2019s Hegseth then warned, \u201cYou don\u2019t dare kill your protestors, that\u2019s our thing,\u201d referring to political protests that have left hundreds dead<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cSo just remember, you \u2018F\u2019 with America, we\u2019re gonna \u2018F\u2019 you right back,\u201d he said, before recreating viral clips of the real secretary\u2019s fitness routine<\/a> by swinging a kettlebell to and fro with suggestive hip thrusts.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Watch the full sketch here:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n![\""Saturday](\"https:\/\/img.huffingtonpost.com\/asset\/696d1a51140000c7c864c75d.png?cache=YS2x4CjD7t&ops=scalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp)
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