Our golden couple is back in Manhattan after their-two week honeymoon in post-wedded bliss and with added matching tattoos. To their surprise\u2014though why are they surprised?\u2014a small army of paparazzi are waiting for them at their apartment building. (It\u2019s always nice when the image switches to grainy VHS so that you can tell that this particular scene is ripped straight from the headlines\u2013this is how it really happened! They seem to be saying.)<\/p>\n
\u201cOprah\u2026 The Today Show\u2026 Barbara Walters\u2026 everyone and their mother wants to sit down with you!\u201d John is going through the PR requests while Carolyn looks out her window at the paparazzi, petrified. John continues living in his *Mr. Burns on drugs voice* I Bring You Looooove<\/em> vibe, being like babe it\u2019s all gonna be ok after we give them our first official portrait as husband and wife! His stockholm syndrome is so real, honestly, the way he just thinks he can talk and reason with them is the ultimate, I can\u2019t stay fighting them all my life so this is my solution<\/em>. She\u2019s like, ok just make sure they harmonize on the cumbayas!<\/em>\u2014but he still doesn\u2019t get it. <\/p>\n They leave holding hands, pose for the cameras and get in their car, but the paparazzi are draping themselves over the hood of John\u2019s car. \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019re leaving,\u201d she says, stating the obvious\u2014not just for now but also for the rest of their lives. <\/p>\n Carolyn says goodbye to her dream job at Ralph Lauren.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n Carolyn has an interview at Ralph Lauren\u2014the man himself has apparently called her in himself. Her interview attire seems to be a black turtleneck and a pair of jeans, which I\u2019m sorry, seems a little too casual, even for the minimalist \u201990s. They walk her to the lobby and suddenly they are faced with\u2014guess what!\u2014another throng of paparazzi waiting for her outside the building\u2019s main entrance. She panics. Apologizes and tells them that her presence at the company would be an imposition. She will not be taking the job at Ralph. Carolyn, you can\u2019t let the paparazzi win!<\/p>\n Back at the George <\/em>offices, Michael and the magazine\u2019s PR team are once again trying to get John to use his\u2026 John-ness to sell more issues. I still think it\u2019s insane that they keep bringing this up after all this time; We know you don\u2019t wanna do a cover but\u2026 <\/em>John\u2019s a stronger man than me because I would\u2019ve fired them and hired people that got \u201cIt.\u201d They bring up doing a George <\/em>TV show again and John\u2019s like \u201cI\u2019ll record an intro but that\u2019s it,\u201d and then Michael goes full-on Michael like \u201cOH! You\u2019ll host a Kennedy documentary for your brother-in-law but you won\u2019t do this!\u201d John has absolutely no idea what he\u2019s talking about. <\/p>\n Later, at his apartment, John and cousin Anthony are playing Gin when Anthony tells him that his cancer has returned. Immediately John springs into action, calling doctors and telling him what he needs to do\u2014this is his best friend! You can see John slowly break down like, this cannot be happening, I cannot keep losing all my loved ones<\/em>. It breaks your damn heart. <\/p>\n They arrive at Caroline\u2019s apartment, where once again the paparazzi are waiting for them. Inside, John is fighting with Ed for selling a documentary and lying about John\u2019s participation. \u201cIf this is how you want to capitalize on our father\u2019s legacy\u2026 FINE! Just leave me out of this!,\u201d John tells the couple, when Caroline goes to her bookshelf and picks up an issue of George<\/em> with Drew Barrymore posing as Marilyn Monroe with the headline HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT. John\u2019s like \u201cIt\u2019s tongue-in-cheek! Everyone pokes fun at our family, why can\u2019t we?\u201d and Caroline\u2019s like It\u2019s cheap and reeks of desperation!<\/em> She does not care for subversion! Now they\u2019re full-on fighting, John says she never tried to do anything, and Caroline\u2019s like \u201cI wrote a book on the merits of privacy you oughta give it a read!\u201d Ed is, as always, stuck in the middle trying to negotiate peace in the household, he\u2019s like \u201cIf I knew you didn\u2019t want to take part in the documentary\u2026\u201d and John cuts him off. \u201cThere\u2019s not gonna be a documentary!\u201d He\u2019s killed it. Ed is in shock. Caroline storms off.<\/p>\n Carolyn and cousin Anthony share a moment during another Kennedy dinner party where no one else is having a good time<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n Carolyn is reapplying her lipstick\u2014a gorgeous deep wine shade\u2014and talking to her sister Lauren about how she had to reject the Ralph Lauren job, and how the paparazzi are camping outside their house. At the party, rich old ladies are helpfully harassing Carolyn about what charities she is going to take over, and what philanthropic practice she\u2019ll establish before \u201cJohn answers the call of duty,\u201d meaning run for president. Cousin Anthony is sitting nearby and as soon as he overhears them he starts coughing and asks her for a glass of water, she hurries over concerned, but he\u2019s fine. He was just trying to save her from the crazies. And this is another reason why cousin Anthony remains my favorite. <\/p>\n Elsewhere at the party, John is being courted by a political advisor. \u201cI\u2019m just saying\u2026 senator sounds much better than former editor of George<\/em>,\u201d she tells him. John is not immediately put off by the exchange, which is the first time we realize that perhaps Ann Marie Messina was right in not trusting John\u2019s alleged lack of desire to go into politics. The advisor catches John looking at Carolyn and asks if she should \u201cbutter Carolyn up,\u201d but the way John says \u201cNo, do not<\/em> talk to my wife,\u201d implies more that he\u2019s hiding this aspect from her rather than it being because he has no political aspirations. <\/p>\n One of Caroline\u2019s kids asks Carolyn to go get candy from the doorman and they go together. The paparazzi appear and Carolyn\u2019s like, ok kid, candy party is over<\/em> and they start heading back to the party, but of course at that same time Caroline comes down frantically looking for her daughter, sees the paparazzi, and then completely freaks out on Carolyn. It could be because she is still mad at her brother for cancelling her husband\u2019s documentary, but the whole thing is so rude and out of place, especially considering poor Carolyn is still trying to figure out how to navigate all the attention\u2014which by the way, she does not want and is not courting! Consider the fact that she\u2019s been offered the covers of Vogue<\/em> and Harper\u2019s Bazaar<\/em> and she\u2019s turned them down both. Consider the fact that in her lifetime she did not pose for a magazine editorial or even grant an interview (if you look on YouTube you may find maybe 20 seconds of her speaking on camera). She really meant it when she said she wanted privacy. Caroline delivers one of the most unempathetic speeches maybe in the whole series, ending with \u201cYou could\u2019ve lived any other life, but you chose this life,\u201d and Carolyn is like \u201cI chose your brother despite<\/em> this life,\u201d and she\u2019s just like \u201cWell, I don\u2019t really know what to tell you.\u201d Even after making her maid of honor, Caroline just… does not care!<\/p>\n Two months later, John is coming home from a run when the paparazzi waiting outside his home beg him for Carolyn to come out for a photo \u201cWe haven\u2019t seen her all week,\u201d they plead like that scene in The Lion King<\/em> when Zazu sings \u201cNobody knows the trouble I\u2019ve seen\u201d to Scar. Carolyn is in her apartment talking to her sister Lauren about Candace Bushnell\u2019s latest \u201cfiction\u201d column in Manhattan File<\/em> magazine about a blonde Manhattan woman named\u2026. CKB who has \u201cmarried her dream man\u201d and is also \u201caddicted to pills.\u201d When John walks in, she hides the magazine and you have to wonder if he ever knew this thing was being published. <\/p>\n John, meanwhile, is gearing up to make a cameo on Murphy<\/em> Brown, <\/em>while also meeting his sister for lunch to attempt and patch up their latest tiff. Caroline compliments his latest interview in the magazine with Billy Graham, quoting him\u2014\u201cWhere does our own free will end and God\u2019s will begin\u2026 sounds like you had a lot on your mind?\u201d John is like, a lot\u2019s been going on and we haven\u2019t been talking; and Caroline complains that he\u2019s managing their lives while John\u2019s like well, I\u2019ve been answering to you my whole life! She\u2019s like \u201cWell, it\u2019s obvious the dynamic has changed.\u201d John asks her once more to reach out to Carolyn, and offer advice on how she\u2019s managed to maintain privacy in her life. Caroline\u2019s like yeah but I worked really hard on it, and I made a lot of hard choices which you didn\u2019t make and that\u2019s fine but, you can\u2019t just opt out of it now. \u201cYou\u2019re a package deal now,\u201d she tells him. \u201cHer relationship with the press won\u2019t change until your relationship with the press changes.\u201d<\/p>\n Carolyn meets her sister at Bubby\u2019s to celebrate her promotion to VP at Morgan Stanley; Lauren asks if she heard from her Nana, that she maybe read something about how Carolyn is addicted to pills and is worried. She asks Carolyn how her job search is going, but Carolyn feels that she cannot have a job because of the paparazzi that are always following her. Lauren is like, you should talk to a therapist but Carolyn is not really feeling it. Lauren tells her that she needs to figure out a way to live her life, that the press will always write something bad because bad relationships sell papers. <\/p>\n You should not be reading the things they say about you, girl!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n That evening, Carolyn and John attend a gala together and the paps insult her as they walk the red carpet. The next day the tabloids are full of stories about how she is pregnant, that her stomach looks fuller, that she has that pregnancy glow. She reads them and spirals, what if she was pregnant but then miscarried? How would those stories feel? She tells John the paps routinely insult her, that she understands it\u2019s all bullshit how they write that she is addicted to pills and cocaine, but she can\u2019t help but think about what it\u2019s like for her family and friends back home who are reading these stories and don\u2019t know that they aren\u2019t true. \u201cEveryone\u2019s like \u2018oh she knew what she was signing up for,\u2019 but you <\/em>didn\u2019t even know what we were signing up for!,\u201d she tells him. John activates the puppy dog eyes, while she totally breaks down. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d he tells her. Later, when he leaves his apartment and a pap yells at him, he throws the camera on the ground. <\/p>\n John walks into his office, and Michael immediately rails into him. John\u2019s like Give me a fucking break dude! I\u2019m dealing with some shit with my wife!<\/em> And Michael is like \u201cI could give a shit about your wife!\u201d and then \u201cI\u2019ve had to be your mommy and your daddy!\u201d telling John that he\u2019s a useless mess. And finally John punches Michael in the nose and they fight it out. John tells him to leave his office, and Michael\u2019s like great, \u201cI quit! I can\u2019t wait for everyone to see what a fuckup you really are!\u201d I\u2019ve never been happier to see someone get punched as I felt when John finally delivered that first blow.<\/p>\n John picks up the phone and calls the political advisor. He meets her for dinner.<\/p>\n Back at their Tribeca apartment, Carolyn is smoking a cigarette looking out the window while Fiona Apple\u2019s \u201cSullen Girl\u201d plays. \u201cDays like this, I don’t know what to do with myself \/All day and all night I wander the halls along the walls\/ And under my breath I say to myself \/ I need fuel to take flight \/ And there’s too much going on\/ But it’s calm under the waves \/ In the blue of my oblivion.\u201d<\/p>\n Best Line in the Episode: <\/strong> \u201cI have had a front row seat for John’s version of reality my whole life but fortunately for me it is no longer my responsibility to remind him that he is a mere mortal and cannot will things into fruition. Best of luck, do not call me for advice, I am retired.\u201d<\/p>\n Cigarette Count:![\"fx's](\"https:\/\/hips.hearstapps.com\/hmg-prod\/images\/9381ea17-bc6c-4a6e-b4dd-077ac9ac5f6b.jpg?resize=980:*\" "\\"fx's")
<\/p>\n![\"fx's](\"https:\/\/hips.hearstapps.com\/hmg-prod\/images\/f73c9b1c-a5ad-4e9e-88c0-ffcbba067aa7.jpg?resize=980:*\" "\\"fx's")
<\/p>\n
Cousin Anthony, explaining to Carolyn what it’s like living with John-John’s glass half-full persona:<\/p>\n
<\/strong>Carolyn – 1, right at the end. <\/p>\n