“Saturday Night Live” kicked off this weekend’s episode with a sketch showing a pill-addled President Donald Trump holding an anything-goes press conference on Air Force One.
In the skit, press secretary Karoline Leavitt (played by Ashley Padilla) braced herself for chaos as she told reporters, “I know you have questions for the president, but it’s very late, he’s exhausted. His brain is all over the place. So unfortunately, he can’t wait to talk to you.”
“SNL” resident POTUS impersonator James Austin Johnson then peeked his head out from behind the curtains and announced, “I’m ready to talk, and you know, this is exciting. Tonight I took both an Ambien and an Adderall, so we’re gonna see which one wins.”
But before taking questions, the faux Trump couldn’t help himself from fawning over his press secretary, as he’s become prone to do more than a few times in real life recently.
“How great is Karoline Leavitt. We love her. Oh, she’s got a beautiful face and those lips that don’t quit,” Johnson fawned as the camera panned in to Padilla’s face. “It’s pretty amazing that I can just openly simp over my young blonde subordinate.”
“Can we get a close-up? People need to see this. Look at those lips,” the president said. “They go ‘bop, bop, bop’ like a machine gun. She liked it because I’m very nice to women.”
But just an instant later, Johnson pointed to celebrity.land’s Kaitlan Collins and said, “Yes, you have a question, you nasty, horrible witch.”
Barely entertaining her ask about affordability, he next addressed the escalating situation at Venezuela and the oil tanker that was seized in the Caribbean on Wednesday.
“Yes, we’re doing pirate now. Argh!” Trump said, before rolling “declassified video” of a suspected drug-trafficker being struck while soaring through the sky in a reindeer-led sleigh.
“Was that Santa?” a bewildered reporter asked.
“Not anymore,” Trump beamed.
Next on the agenda were recently released photos from Jeffrey Epstein’s estate, which included the president.
“Look, the fact is, these photos are fake news. A Democrat hoax,” he rebuffed.
“Even the picture of a bowl of condoms with your face on them, and the text saying ‘I’m huge’?” the reporter pressed.
Unable to pass on an opportunity to boast, “They’re 100% legit. I love those files. I’m in the files! I took a lot of great pictures.”
At that point, Padilla’s Leavitt knew it was time to shut things down, but the pretend president had to get in one last word.
“I have to begin my pre-bedtime self-care ritual, putting a bandage on my hand and covering it with makeup, then adding more layers of bandage and makeup,” he explained. “It’s a medical lasagna. Mamma mia!”
“We should all be very worried about my health, I’m very ill, then I will brush my teeth before drifting off and dream about Karoline’s mouth.”
Watch the full sketch here:
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