“Big Brother” star Rachel Reilly killed by dinosaur in season 28 premiere

Key Points

• Big Brother brought three reality legends into the house… and then promptly threw one of them into a volcano to her fiery death.

• Did I mention time-travel was involved? I probably should have mentioned that.

• How am I honestly supposed to come up with a third key point that can top a reality legend being thrown into a volcano? Impossible.

Big Brother kicked off its 28th season Thursday night with a lot of anticipation over a theme that seemed to point to time travel, the return of a true Big Brother wild card, and crossover stars from other in-the-corporate-family reality competition shows.

How would it all play out? We finally got our first look, and it was as weird, wacky, and ridiculously wonderful as we could have imagined… although not even we could have imagined a reality legend being pushed to her death into a volcano by a velociraptor in the year 175 million BC.

The premiere kicked off with Big Brother‘s traditional player introductions, in which the contestants pretend to be shocked when they find a key, even though they have an entire camera crew that just happens to be visiting them at their home.

Once the 14 newbies actually got into the BB house, things got super-duper weird. After being told by host Julie Chen Moonves that “for the first time in Big Brother history, nobody currently in the house will become the first HOH” and that “not everybody competing this summer has moved in,” the players were instructed to move to the dining room table…. Oh, I’m sorry, make that the “Dining Table Time Machine.”

That is where the cast was treated to a video message from the CEO of Meow Meow Enterprises, former Big Brother star Enzo Palumbo, who, in what can only be described as the reality TV understatement of the century, noted, “I may not have been the best at BB competitions…”

Enzo and Julie explained to the dumbfounded contestants that 12 of them would be traveling back in time — just go with me here — to deliver messages to reality icons in the past, telling them to show up in the BB house in the year 2026.

I know what you are thinking right now, but I assure you things were not even close to hitting bizarro overload. Like, not even in the same stratosphere. Because then Enzo returned and instructed the cast to go collect vials of — and I swear I am not making this up — BB Tonium. Even worse, he was about to do the unthinkable: force Big Brother contestants to do math. Simple math. Very, very simple math. (Which not all of them were able to do.)

Eventually, one group time-travelled… as it were… to a Long Beach mall in 1988 to compete in a competition and hand deliver an invite to a sassy, teenage Angela Murray — who proceeded to tear it up (and presumably tape back together) Doc Brown Back to the Future style. And then — PRESTO! — Angela showed up at the house.

The next group of four transported themselves to Fiji in 2018 where a note was delivered to… Jeff Probst! Yes, in the biggest twist in Big Brother history, Survivor host Jeff Probst became the 16th houseguest on Big Brother 28!!!

As if. We can only assume that Probst, being the wily veteran that he is, simply crossed out his own name, changed it to Rick Devens, and then forced the season 50 chaos agent to go in his place instead. And indeed, he did.

The third time-traveling adventure of the night took a group to track down a Las Vegas VIP cocktail waitress in 2010, and, while they were at it, get obliterated by neon paint. The invite was extended to three-time Big Brother legend Rachel Reilly, who at least temporarily became the third reality TV icon to join the game.

I say temporarily because would you believe that she and the entire cast were then magically transported to the year 175 million BC? That’s where Rachel — after proclaiming that “Nothing is coming between me and my Big Brother double crown” was attacked by a velociraptor. I’m going to now pause for a minute to let that sink in.……

…… Anyway, as I was saying, Rachel Reilly was attacked by a velociraptor, who gradually pushed Iconica to the top of a volcano, where she then plummeted to her death. ( I cannot believe I just typed that last sentence.)

Julie Chen Moonves then broke the tragic news to the houseguests, announcing, “I can confirm that Rachel has fallen into the volcano and reached her untimely demise.” (Maybe she would have survived had she had a life vest? ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!)

The episode then ended with the host time-traveling herself to Dec, 20, 2023, to find Rachel’s replacement —  a date that also just happens to correspond to the finale airing of Survivor 45, won by Dee Valladares. Hmmmm…

Sadly, we will have to wait to see what prehistoric animal will be responsible for her onscreen death.

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