Welcome to your daily comedy podcast, where absolutely nothing makes sense and we like it that way.
Today’s show kicks off with a story that nobody asked for but everyone will remember forever: a 73-year-old former born-again Christian reinventing herself as an escort named Busty Granny. She spent decades in prayer and celibacy, then hit 57, downloaded the internet, and said “oh… THIS is what we’ve been missing.” Now she’s got clients young enough to still have homework and zero interest in OnlyFans because, quote, that sounds boring. Inspirational? Traumatizing? Both.
Then we get into the most depressing career math of all time: a woman casually sings seven words into her phone for a Dr Pepper jingle and walks away with $2 million, while the rest of us are out here working full-time jobs and eating gas-station sandwiches. Naturally, this leads to the crew trying to invent jingles for every brand that will absolutely never call back.
Somehow that spirals into one of the most fun debates we’ve had in a while — the biggest debut albums of all time. We’re talking massive numbers, MTV miracles, and how one 4am spin turned a “failed” album into a 50-million-copy monster. Along the way we argue, forget basic facts, remember them loudly, and realize radio used to be way more powerful than TikTok will ever admit.
Movies get dragged (respectfully… mostly), Brendan Fraser gets the comeback love he deserves, and we debate whether seeing a movie in a theater automatically adds two letter grades just because popcorn exists.
In Crap on Celebrities, we hit everything from band lawsuits and surprise documentaries to tour dropouts, concert ticket chaos, and some genuinely heartbreaking but honest conversations about aging, memory, and how terrifying it is to not know what’s happening inside your own brain.
We also celebrate birthdays, overshare existential dread, and somehow end the show discussing a literal geyser of poop water blasting into the Potomac River — because if we’re going to spiral, we’re doing it together.
It’s another daily comedy podcast episode packed with weird news, pop culture, dark laughs, and moments where we all pause and go, “Wait… are we okay?”
Spoiler: probably not. But at least we’re funny.
MUSIC
Motley Crue has officially won its heated legal battle against former guitarist Mick Mars.
Two more artists have dropped out of the 2026 Rock the Country Festival. Morgan Wade and Carter Faith are no longer part of the lineup. And neither artist has shared an official reason for stepping away. Their exit comes just days after Ludacris also dropped out. His team called his original booking a “mix-up.” The festival is headlined by Kid Rock and will feature Jason Aldean, Jelly Roll, Miranda Lambert, and more.
In other Kid Rock News – he went to Congress to confront an issue we’re all united on: How much Ticketmaster and Live Nation charge for shows.
Quick Hits:
Post Malone, Andrew Watt, Chad Smith, Duff McKagan, and Slash will perform a special tribute to Ozzy Osbourne during the Grammys on Sunday night.
Jack White posted a video showing off the next Third Man Vault package, Jimi Hendrix‘s Valley of the Jams 1969-1970. Check it out on Instagram.
Tom Morello and Rise Against will headline A Concert of Solidarity & Resistance to Defend Minnesota Friday at noon at First Avenue in Minneapolis.
TV
The fourth season of Ted Lasso is set to debut this summer.
MOVING ON INTO MOVIE NEWS:
Actress and producer Patricia Schneider has filed for divorce from Rob Schneider, describing their 15-year marriage as “irretrievably broken” with no chance of reconciliation.
Bill Cosby has admitted under oath that he obtained prescriptions for Quaaludes specifically to give to women.
Bruce Willis’ wife, Emma says Bruce is unaware of his frontotemporal dementia diagnosis.
AND FINALLY
Here are five of the BEST:
1. Jack Black: “I was begging my boss for an extra shift, he overheard and tipped me $100 on a $20ish tab. From then on, he never left me less than a $50 tip and would always check in with me when it was the end of the month to make sure I had rent cash.”
2. Harrison Ford: “My uncle said that he’s incredibly nice and took the whole crew out for lunch to thank them for working on his helicopter.”
3. Justin Bieber: “He was by himself at a mall, and he wasn’t trying to be incognito . . . He drew me in with a big hug and chatted me up. He was lovely.”
4. John Travolta: “The guy is totally down to earth . . . He is also someone who asks a lot of questions and is actually interested in what you have to say.”
5. Dolly Parton: “Can confirm that she’s just as great as you’d assume. She was just so nice to everyone. She was a lot smaller than I expected.”
Here are five of the WORST:
1. Jennifer Lopez: “She was super rude and dismissive . . . and had this attitude that she was better than you.”
2. Jenna Fischer from “The Office”: “[She] was really difficult to work with. Just really demanding.”
3. Jared Leto: “[He’s] a narcissistic [A-hole]. He complains about every single thing and really enjoys being difficult. I think he does it for fun.”
4. Diana Ross: “[She] cut in front of me at the airport check-in counter once . . . I was flabbergasted by this lady who had the guts to sweep in front of us AND touch the gate agent’s computer.”
5. John Cusack: “Outside of a restaurant: ‘Hey, Mr. Cusack, I like your movies.’ . . . ‘I don’t care.’”
AND THAT IS YOUR CRAP ON CELEBRITIES!
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