Fresh pics reveal the truth about Andrew’s sad new life

While all eyes are on Prince Harry and Meghan, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s trip to Australia this week, far, far away in a painfully drab bit of the UK that Wordsworth never bothered writing about, Andrew has been having a right ‘orrible time of it.

He’s finally made the move into his forever home Marsh Farm, a squat brick farmhouse that would barely make a background shot in All Creatures Great and Small, protestors have turned up at his doorstep, the US Congress wants a word and all things Epstein are about to roar back to the fore.

Blessedly we can enjoy plenty of evidence of how much Andrew is enjoying all of this, thanks to some poor photographers who have been punted off to Norfolk and on hand to catch the former Duke of York experiencing a series of ignominies, proving God loves the sidebar of shame.

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So, have you ever pondered the question about Andrew’s new life in muddy, rural purgatory – what the hell does he do all day? Sure, he has had Sky Sports installed but how much golf can even he watch?

We now have a few ideas thanks to the snappers who have been dispatched to watch over his corner of not so Merry ol’ England.

For one thing, he has been busying himself taking lonely walks across fields, trailed by his seven dogs during which he was photographed mournfully staring at horses he’s not allowed to ride like a man experiencing a protracted long dark night of the soul in the mid-morning.

Also, he’s been taking himself off to sit in the “moss riddled second hand caravan” that was recently plonked in his backyard because he enjoys the novelty value of it. Andrew dumpily perched on a fold down sofa because he has literally nothing else to do is such a satisfyingly pathetic image I’ll take two. (The caravan was meant to be for staff but none from nearby Sandringham House are willing to stay there.)

A source told the Daily Mail: ‘People thought the caravan was for his staff, but he doesn’t really have any. The staff who work elsewhere at Sandringham already help out, but many are reluctant to live in.’

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Unluckily for him, he has nothing much else going on to save him from lengthy bouts of self-pitying introspection because he has had “few visitors”, The Telegraph has reported.

Unfortunately many of the people have turned up are ones Andrew would not be glad to see.

Those people who have popped by hardly sound like they came bearing house-warming muffin baskets and glad tidings from the Monarchy mother ship.

Arriving last month came an emissary from Buckingham Palace, Lord Richard Benyon, Chamberlain of the Royal Household, who spent two hours with Britain’s most famous former trade envoy. Lord Benyon is effectively the Palace CEO and King Charles’ official liaison to the House of Lords, renewing speculation that Andrew might be formally removed from the line of succession.

Then came les provocateurs in early April, or at least some protestors who arrived at Marsh Farm and set off a security scare. Two people were seen trying to climb over the six-foot wooden privacy fence that surrounds before his security, paid for by Charles, intervened. According to the Telegraph, the bodyguards “quickly defused the incident” and told the agitators to move along.

Isis, this lot, clearly were not. But still, It’s a perfect example of the current public mood towards the ex duke, a man who demands British society ask themselves, should ritual humiliation be allowed back onto the statute books?

Possibly receiving a warmer welcome at Marsh Farm, was Prince Edward who popped by over Easter to watch Andrew try to work out how to use a tea bag, while he and his wife Sophie, The Duchess of Edinburgh were staying in the area for a mini break. (They couldn’t stretch to a few days, all-inclusive in somewhere less manure-y?)

That is unlike the King who, despite having been spending stretches of time on the Sandringham Estate, has not deigned to pop by with a limp house-warming ficus and has just blanked his vexatious sibling. In fact, His Majesty, according to The Times, has not seen his brother since he was arrested in February on suspicion of misconduct in public office, but then released without charge. (Andrew has previously denied all wrongdoing.)

Princess Anne, per The Times, has “had contact” with Andrew, something that her entire stable of horses can boast too.

Unfortunately for Andrew, there are some people who would really, really like to have a word with him, like the US Department of Justice, Congress and Epstein survivors.

In November last year, members of the House Oversight Committee formally wrote to Andrew to request that he testify before them about Epstein, an invitation that, shockingly, he has failed to agree to. (The Committee does not have the power to legally compel him to give evidence.)

Meanwhile, in the UK, in early April, the National Police Chiefs’ Council said the police response to the release of the Epstein files would be “stepped up”, the BBC has reported.

But wait, it’s only about to get worse!

Worse because King Charles and Queen Camilla are heading to the US next week for a State visit which could see the reapplication of 200,000 pascals of pressure and Andrew about his bestie Jeff.

When Their Majesties arrive in Washington they will come face-to-face with a political establishment loudly demanding answers about Epstein. Nor are Epstein survivors any better pleased with the King with the possibility of public protests over Charles’ refusal to meet with them.

Last week Ro Khanna, the Democrat congressman who led the charge that saw the release of the Epstein files, warned that Charles could either “come to America and half the questions are going to be about Epstein … or he could come here and take a role as a global statesperson”.

Other people thinking a lot about Andrew are the UK’s Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) which announced in early April it was providing early investigative advice to the Metropolitan Police. Though their involvement is routine in serious, complex and high profile cases, it is a nice little reminder that the former Duke of York is currently enjoying the nerve-hanging wait to find out if he will be charged and face trial.

(Andrew has also always denied any wrongdoing in relation to Epstein and has never been charged.)

In all of this, there is one thing that I guarantee that Andy is not doing – reading Robert Hardman’s new book Elizabeth II, in which he revealed that his BFF Jeff used to mock him for being a right idiot.

A source told Hardman: “Jeffrey used to make fun of Andrew and say how ‘dumb’ he was.

“He told me he was taking Andrew on the planes to meet these dictators and do business deals. Andrew would mean they would get into receptions and meet people, and Jeffrey would do a deal, and he said he gave Andrew a cut.”

Well, that should certainly give Andrew something to think about the next time he’s in his caravan.

Daniela Elser is an editor and commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with Australia’s leading media titles.