We have a series at Refinery29 called “Blank Made Me Gay” where writers unpack pieces of media from their youth that led to or affirmed their sexual awakenings. For Gabriel Korn, it was the early 2000s TV show Alias, specifically Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristowe in Alias. For Hilary Weaver, it was the 2015 film Carol, specifically Cate Blanchett as Carol in Carol. For young people struggling with their queerness and the suffocating anxiety of coming out in a world that tends to force folks to declare their identities to the world whether they’re ready or not, TV and movies can be a safe space to explore those feelings privately, before they become public. For some, pop culture is where you find the words before you know how to articulate them, where a sexy spy show can become a metaphor for your undercover lesbianness, or Cate Blanchett seductively lighting a cigarette can light a fire in you that pushes you out of the closet. For me, 1999’s But I’m A Cheerleader didn’t give me the language to know I was bisexual back then (an identity I’m still not fully comfortable claiming since I’m married to a man I’ve been with for 15 years), but I knew that obsessively sneak watching my secret copy of the movie made me feel freer and more myself than I had the words for at the time.
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