NEED TO KNOW
Matt Okula appeared on an episode of Shay Martin’s Grief Witnessed podcast, where the two content creators — both of whom became widows and single parents last year — discussed their experiences with loss
Matt — whose wife Hailey died suddenly due to a rare childbirth complication — admitted that he has not yet “dabbled” in dating again
He also told Shay, whose husband Tanner died of colon cancer, that he intends to maintain Hailey’s presence in his own life and make her a big part of their son’s life, too
Matt Okula is opening up about his future just over one year after his wife, Hailey, died hours after giving birth to their first child, son Crew.
Hailey — who made her name as an influencer with her nursing resource page @RNNewGrads — was 33 when she experienced a rare birth complication. Shortly after the delivery of her first child, she went into cardiac arrest due to an amniotic fluid embolism, which the National Library of Medicine describes as a rare pregnancy complication caused by “amniotic fluid, fetal cells, hair, or other debris” entering the “maternal pulmonary circulation, causing cardiovascular collapse.”
Matt, 35, has kept up her legacy and presence on social media for over 500,000 Instagram followers. He regularly shares content his wife never got to post in addition to updates on his life, grief and journey as a single father to 1-year-old Crew.
Matt Okula and son Crew.
Credit: Hailey Okula/Matt Okula/Instagram
On Wednesday, May 27, Matt appeared on Shay Martin‘s podcast Grief Witnessed. Shay, 30, also became both a widow and a single parent last year, as her husband Tanner Martin died of colon cancer at age 30. The couple — who documented their lives together on social media — welcomed their first child together, daughter AmyLou, about one month before Tanner’s death.
During the podcast episode, Matt and Shay discussed their respective experiences with sudden and long-term loss. They also opened up about the uncertainties of their next chapters to come, including the possibility of finding love again. Matt said that he does want his son to have a mother figure, but he said he hasn’t yet “dabbled” in the dating world.
After Shay pointed out that she believes Hailey would want that for him, Matt agreed. “That’s what makes it a little bit easier,” he said. However, the LAPD firefighter emphasized that his late partner of 13 years will continue to be a significant part of his world, especially as Crew grows older.
“Crew is always going to be Hailey’s son,” said Matt. “Biologically, Hailey will always be Crew’s mom, and Crew needs to know who Hailey was.”
Matt was 21 when he met Hailey, meaning that his younger mindset is his own frame of reference for what it’s like to be actively dating. He admitted that he doesn’t have much romantic experience with people who could handle a situation like his.
“To love someone else, and them to know that you still love this other girl, or guy, even though they’re dead. It feels weird,” he explained. “Obviously, I’m not looking to date a 21-year-old. I don’t know. I guess there [are] people in this world that can hold space for both, and I’ve been told that over and over again.”
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After Shay affirmed that those people should have qualities like “maturity” and “confidence,” Matt confessed that he might not be able to “hold space” for a partner’s widow if he hadn’t endured that type of loss himself.
“If I didn’t go through this experience, I don’t know. I don’t know if I could,” he reflected. “I’m asking a lot of a woman to hold space for Hailey, because I need that. I need her to be a part of Crew’s life, and I want her to be a part of my life. I don’t want to forget her.”
Matt continued, “This woman would be coming in not only being a wife, but being a mother. So that’s two really big roles. I don’t know if that woman exists. I’m going to give it an effort to try to find her.”
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