One lyric goes on about how he’s going to be spotted nude ‘in Tesco’s by the mangoes’
We are under attack. And the assailant is Olly Murs, with his new record Knees Up. Olly Murs has been threatening us with mild annoying music for quite some time now, but rarely has the fury reached the current state. If you’ve scrolled on TikTok across the last few weeks as The X Factor runner up was posting teasers for his EIGTH (yes, he has eight albums) record then you may have been bombarded with a couple of jarring tunes with lyrics that make you wince. Not content with just being a bit of a menace in general, Olly Murs has now released the song widely deemed to be our deepest pit of hell – and the lyrics to this new music are getting dragged. You know the one before I even need to say it. Two words: Tesco. Mangoes.
Olly Murs burdened us with Knees Up last week
Knees Up, the new album, dropped on Friday. Slowly but surely, the album is getting traction on social media but I would hedge my bets that it isn’t in the way Olly Murs would have liked – because he is getting dragged. Knees Up is I guess what you could describe as Olly Murs having a go at releasing a ska record. It all sounds vaguely reminiscent of the sounds Lily Allen explored on her debut record Alright, Still. But where Alright, Still had Lily’s pen bristling with wit, self deprecation and vulnerability – Olly Murs has decided to have his pen stab us in the ears.
The current favourite for getting whacked online is the album track Yesterday’s News. Its first verse should be presented in full, just so you understand the magnitude of what we’re dealing with here.
This morning, I made myself a brew
Sat myself down to read the news
Someone said I’d been spotted nude
In Tesco’s by the mangoes in an old pair of shoes
Apparently, I’ve got a new tattoo (New tattoo)
Don’t like Ed Sheeran, but I really do (I really do)
Don’t go believing all the lies they tell
‘Cause the truth don’t sell half as well
Then prior to Yesterday’s News being the people’s punching bag, it was the single Bonkers. Unlike the Dizzee Rascal song of the same name, which is a cold hard classic by all accounts, Bonkers is a menace. Over on Anthony Fantano’s Reddit, music fiends were quick to deem it the worst song of 2025. Again, presenting verse one:
‘Ello
They say when I was little, I was loco
Don’t think I was ever dropped on me head though
Maybe that one time I fell off the bed though
Oh yeah, that’ll do it
Now I’m a grown up (Hi)
But most of the time I’m a doughnut
Basically, it’s the “she’s so crazyyyyy! Love her!” meme in song form.
I have seen some unfavourable comparisons of this dragged Olly Murs era of music to that of Robbie Williams and his divisive 2006 car crash Rudebox. Whereas Rudebox is one of those albums that polarises, I do think it has some intrigue and merit to tracking how Robbie was operating as an artist. It’s a jarring and weird album but it’s got some wow songs. She’s Madonna with Pet Shop Boys is a Robbie all timer. There are no Olly Murs all timers, so that’s not really fair to compare him – but if he was going to make an all timer it wouldn’t be found on Knees Up.
And whilst on the subject of quite good Olly Murs songs, he is capable of them! Troublemaker, I have to say, gets my toe tapping. And sometimes he’s capable of a formidable bop, like Heart Skips a Beat with Rizzle Kicks. Banger. The formidable bops in question though are less regular than a leap year.
How’s Olly Murs taking all this?
@ollymurs Replying to @leightonmcc06 ♬ Bonkers – Olly Murs
To be fair to Olly, he can take the ribbing. When someone said that his song Bonkers is “fire on mute bro”, Olly posted a TikTok raging on mute complete with “wah wah” baby faces and a dummy. He ends it saying “thanks for the feedback, appreciate it.”
@ollymurs #duet with @Moll💋 #fyp ♬ Bonkers – Olly Murs
He also dueted another diva who dragged him for Bonkers, where he said “Can someone explain why I’m getting rinsed for saying ‘ello?”
You can make sure Olly Murs is dragged for his music, but one thing you can’t drag him for is his joie de vivre. He might be inflicting ear pain on the nation but at least he’s having a great time do it. And look, if Olly’s happy – who am I to take that away from him? He’s got eight albums out of this and he’s still selling out arenas up and down the country.
Maybe I’m the crank for not finding the musical excellence on the Tesco mango aisle. But at least the videos dragging it and his lowkey fuming clapbacks are a bit of am timeline chuckle in increasingly miserable times.
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