I’m A Celebrity contestant Kelly Brook has opened up about the ‘horrific’ miscarriage that’s left her never wanting to try for a baby again.
Appearing on the How to Fail with Elizabeth Day podcast, she said that she never grew up wanting to be a mother, in large part because of her difficult relationship with her own mother, so she never saw herself starting a family in a traditional sense.
But when she fell pregnant in 2011 and her former fiancé, Scottish rugby player Thom Evans, wanted to keep the baby, she “got her head around it” and they decided to go for it.
She explained, “In my thirties, I got pregnant and it was with somebody that I hadn’t been with for very long, and it was really a case of like, ‘well, I’m in my thirties. This might be my last roll of the dice. Maybe I should just do this’.”
But six months into the pregnancy, Kelly had a miscarriage, which she says was, “The most traumatic, horrific thing that I’ve ever been through. It was just the most devastating thing.
“It took me quite a long time for my body and for everything to kind of, I don’t think you ever fully recover from that,” she added.
She said, “I just thought, ‘it’s not in my world, I just don’t want to go through that again’.”
Elsewhere in the interview, she opened up about her grieving process and the choice she made that she was told she “would regret” when it came to her baby.
“I didn’t have a name, and at that point, I didn’t want to have a name. So it’s just a way of me coping,” she revealed. “I was told that I would regret that and I should really have a name and I should have footprints and all of these hand prints and all of these things and I just chose not to.”
But she’s found that this process has worked for her. “Even though it was more than that, I have to treat it like a miscarriage because it’s the only way I can cope because I just don’t know how I could get through every day if I didn’t.”
But she does still have moments when she’s unsure of herself and feels pressure to grieve in a certain way.
“I’d see women in the public eye and they did have names for their babies and they do mark the occasion every year and they do this and I don’t do that,” she said.
“I felt like, ‘Is there something wrong with me? Is there something missing? Do I not have empathy? Is there nothing inside?’ And it’s actually nothing to do with that because I’m still here and I’ve got to face every day and get through every day. I have to do what I have to do to get through every day.”
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