The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star Jessi Draper is owning up to the mistakes she said she made after two failed marriages.
“I take full ownership over all the mistakes I’ve made and all the stupid decisions I’ve made, but I am realizing I can’t just get divorced and go live a normal life,” Jessi, 33, shared via an Instagram video on Monday, April 6. “I’m having so much come to the surface right now, and I have a lot of healing to do.”
While filming a video in her car, the Hulu reality star opened up about her mindset weeks after her estranged husband, Jordan Ngatikaura, filed for divorce after five years of marriage. (She was also previously married to Zach Gish from 2014 to 2019.)
“This is such a weird experience to go through, and I know a lot of you can relate, and it’s the second divorce I’ve been through, which has been awful,” Jessi — who shares Jagger, 5, and Jovi, 3, with Jordan — explained. “They’ve both been very different and doing it with kids is very unique and different from my first situation. I just feel, like, really lost to be honest.”
When opening up to her 1.8 million Instagram followers, Jessi claimed her two marriages “were emotionally unsafe.” After navigating those two relationships for a combined 10 years, the reality star said she began to learn habits, routines, defense mechanisms “and things that keep you safe.”
“It’s crazy how getting out of that can kind of mess with your head a little bit and make you go a little bit crazy,” she claimed. “I feel like I’m going through that right now. It’s kind of like a purging and a detox of the patterns that I’m used to. I have a lot of patterns that I don’t love. I have a lot of behaviors that I don’t love either, and I’m really trying to work on that.”
Jessi confirmed she is going on a four-day therapy retreat, where she plans to mourn what she lost while also healing from her past.
“I’ve had the darkest days I’ve ever had in the last month and it’s been really rough,” she told her fans. “It’s normal to feel all over the place and misplaced and sad and then happy and then relieved and then depressed. I’ve felt all of the emotions.”
While Jessi has made headlines in recent weeks after she was allegedly spotted spending time with Marciano Brunette, she confirmed in her latest Instagram that she is single and just wants “to have fun.”
“I want to enjoy life because I haven’t in so long, but I also want to do all of this in the right way, and I want to heal and not make mistakes anymore,” she explained. “There’s no perfect way to handle divorce …. I’ve received a lot of love and support and I want to thank you for that but I’ve also received a ton of hate and it’s totally warranted. I am trying to get through this the best possible way I can.”
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