It’s not easy to imagine Prince William wielding a chainsaw in his soft white hands but have a go. (This is the same man who ordered a lemonade at a Wiltshire pub last week and then left a $50 tip.)
The Prince of Wales, based on new reports, looks to take to the royal establishment and to slash and burn like an unsupervised, overly enthusiastic work experience arborist when he accedes to the throne.
Titles, staff, palaces, freebie country estates the size of lesser postcodes: It could all be on the chopping block when King William V emerges from Westminster Abbey and prepares to peddle his Coronation Lime bike back to Buckingham Palace.
The most dramatic action on his regal to-do list – stripping the titles of his nearest but far from dearest. Prince Harry and Meghan, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie could all face the historic humbling of having to choose the ‘orribly common Mr and Mrs from drop-down menus in the future. (What next, having to put their own bins out?)
As exclusively revealed by Tom Sykes, of the Daily Beast and The Royalist Substack, non-working members of the royal family face losing their HRHs and princely titles when William gets the top job, and the Sussexes will also lose their dukedom. This will all be part of the next monarch’s program of “sweeping reforms” that could affect everybody from the current fifth in line to the throne, Harry, to whoever is currently staffing the cream tea kiosk at the Balmoral visitors centre.
The Duke of Welling was known as the Iron Duke after giving Napoleon what for, but it’s William who’s practising away at being the Iron Prince from the sounds of it.
For months now, Sykes has been reporting that ever since Charles announced his cancer diagnosis, in February 2024, ‘power has flowed’ from His Majesty to Aston Villa’s most titled fan.
Even in August, a friend of the Prince of Wales told Sykes of making the tough calls, “Charles is weak. William is anything but weak.”
Then came Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor’s titular head shaving, reportedly driven and driven hard by the prince. “William is King in all but name now”, a pal of the royal’s has Sykes.
Likewise, elsewhere, a friend of his has told Sykes: “The change of reign is happening in real time, whether they admit it or not.”
When the day comes, you know, the Big One, William’s plans for the monarchy, reportedly, go much further still than forcing Harry and Meghan to buy new letterhead.
Take that great symbol, Buckingham Palace, which could be about to become the grandest white elephant in history. In November, William and Kate, the Princess of Wales and their kids, moved into their new eight-bedroom historic pile, Forest Lodge, which will be their forever home.
The Palace, under King William, looks set never to be lived in again and just used as Monarchy HQ, nothing more than an events space and corporate offices, just with far more Vermeers.
Even when, hopefully a very long time from now, that become King and Queen, the Waleses’ won’t reportedly be packing up their hand stitched badminton sets and Frank Green reusable coffee mugs to move into the Palace but will stay put Something about relocating to live in the UK’s number one tourist destination which lets more than half a million mouth-agape visitors trudge through their nicest rooms every year to sticky beak at the Rembrandts and buy souvenir corgi key rings doesn’t appeal.
There is even a question mark over William and Kate’s kids’ future. At school, with teachers, and with family, Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis’ titles are never used, per Sykes. In fact, their titles could be “informally ‘parked’ until they become adults and can decide for themselves if they want to be full-time working royals or lead lives as private citizens.”
But Chainsaw William has even more radical ideas up his wash-and-wear sleeves, which could affect hundreds of Crown Inc.’s rank and file. Veteran royal biographer Robert Jobson has told the Telegraph’s podcast that when William is King, “he wants to halve the amount of staff involved.”
Also set to be axed is what you might call Princess Anne royalling – jamming in hundreds and hundreds of in-person visits and day trips and accepting of posies across the UK to ensure that no plaque is unveiled without a suitably experienced HRH on hand.
As is already clearly evident, William and Kate’s idea of working royalty means tackling major issues, like climate change and mental health, and trying to have a nationwide, if not global, impact — less of the ceremonial tree business and more of the stopping sea levels rising stuff.
On this, the prince and the King are split, according to The Royalist’s Sykes. William thinks the monarchy under his father “radiates pomposity and looks out of touch, thanks to Charles’ love of uniforms and ermine, and William disdains the prioritisation of duty over an individual’s health and wellbeing. Charles thinks William is shirking the most basic element of the job – appearing, in person, all over the country, come rain or shine”.
A former royal staffer told Sykes earlier this year: “To William, continuing to run the monarchy as though it were still an Edwardian institution feels absurd. To Charles, his son’s more casual approach can feel like a lack of respect for duty and tradition.”
The Prince of Wales has not been shy about publicly making clear that his vision for running Crown Inc will depart significantly from Charles’ far more starched, moth-eaten one: In an interview last year, he talked about wanting to do royalty with a small ‘r’ and told actor Eugene Levy, “Change is on my agenda. Change for good. I don’t fear it.” Subtle!
Then, in Brazil last month for his Earthshot Prize and Cop30, he talked about “the duty each generation owes the next.”
Meanwhile, the King soldiers on. Next month will mark two years since the King went into hospital for what was meant to be treatment for an enlarged prostate, and his doctors discovered he had cancer. (The Palace has never said what type it is.) He is still receiving weekly treatment.
It might be worth William reading up on the original Iron Duke’s letters. In one after Waterloo, he wrote, “nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won.”
Daniela Elser is a writer, editor and commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with a number of Australia’s leading media titles.
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