In a bold move to modernise the Royal Family, plans have been drawn up to turn the entire institution into a data centre.
‘It was either this or turn them into Turkey Twizzlers’, a spokesman said. ‘And the hygiene people put their foot down.
Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice will make a unique contribution – the heatsink design for the microprocessors will be based on their trademark ‘fascinators’. They will not be forgotten, sadly.
Regular Royal duties – waving, opening things, making small talk – will all be done by AI, enabling the whole venture to break even in its first week of operation. Graphs have been drawn. To be fair, they were done by AI so might be total fantasy, but it isn’t as if the whole Royalty thing was overly committed to grim reality.
Andrew Mountbatten will play a unique part – in the foundations of Buck House Data Centre, a new central London facility which will be owned by some of the people he used to party with.
Balmoral, Sandringham and vast swathes of British countryside will be covered in computer warehouses so that students will no longer need to write their own essays. It’s all fairly asinine, but still slightly less daft than having an actual Royal Family.
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