Stephen Colbert’s ‘Colbert Report’ Character Returns to Sort Out a “Free-Speech Crisis”

Stephen Colbert pulled out all the stops in defending his late-night competitor and friend Jimmy Kimmel on Thursday. That included pulling out his old Comedy Central character: Stephen Colbert the political pundit and host of The Colbert Report.

Cue the bald eagle screech.

“Hello, nation,” Colbert said in character. “Daddy’s home.”

The faux Colbert jumped right back into his signature segment, “The Word,” which puts the conservative words coming out of his Republican mouth at odds with contradictory text in a side-chyron. To get us out of this “free-speech crisis,” Colbert suggests we all just…don’t say anything. And certainly not aloud.

Regarding the First Amendment, Colbert said, ”You can have your rights just as long as you don’t use them.” (Chyron: “Like a gym membership.”)

“Give up, America. Just give up and stop saying anything that might upset the president,” Colbert concluded. “If you think that’s a terrible idea,…