Our golden couple is back in Manhattan after their-two week honeymoon in post-wedded bliss and with added matching tattoos. To their surprise—though why are they surprised?—a small army of paparazzi are waiting for them at their apartment building. (It’s always nice when the image switches to grainy VHS so that you can tell that this particular scene is ripped straight from the headlines–this is how it really happened! They seem to be saying.)
“Oprah… The Today Show… Barbara Walters… everyone and their mother wants to sit down with you!” John is going through the PR requests while Carolyn looks out her window at the paparazzi, petrified. John continues living in his *Mr. Burns on drugs voice* I Bring You Looooove vibe, being like babe it’s all gonna be ok after we give them our first official portrait as husband and wife! His stockholm syndrome is so real, honestly, the way he just thinks he can talk and reason with them is the ultimate, I can’t stay fighting them all my life so this is my solution. She’s like, ok just make sure they harmonize on the cumbayas!—but he still doesn’t get it.
They leave holding hands, pose for the cameras and get in their car, but the paparazzi are draping themselves over the hood of John’s car. “I don’t think they’re leaving,” she says, stating the obvious—not just for now but also for the rest of their lives.
Carolyn has an interview at Ralph Lauren—the man himself has apparently called her in himself. Her interview attire seems to be a black turtleneck and a pair of jeans, which I’m sorry, seems a little too casual, even for the minimalist ’90s. They walk her to the lobby and suddenly they are faced with—guess what!—another throng of paparazzi waiting for her outside the building’s main entrance. She panics. Apologizes and tells them that her presence at the company would be an imposition. She will not be taking the job at Ralph. Carolyn, you can’t let the paparazzi win!
Back at the George offices, Michael and the magazine’s PR team are once again trying to get John to use his… John-ness to sell more issues. I still think it’s insane that they keep bringing this up after all this time; We know you don’t wanna do a cover but… John’s a stronger man than me because I would’ve fired them and hired people that got “It.” They bring up doing a George TV show again and John’s like “I’ll record an intro but that’s it,” and then Michael goes full-on Michael like “OH! You’ll host a Kennedy documentary for your brother-in-law but you won’t do this!” John has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about.
Later, at his apartment, John and cousin Anthony are playing Gin when Anthony tells him that his cancer has returned. Immediately John springs into action, calling doctors and telling him what he needs to do—this is his best friend! You can see John slowly break down like, this cannot be happening, I cannot keep losing all my loved ones. It breaks your damn heart.
They arrive at Caroline’s apartment, where once again the paparazzi are waiting for them. Inside, John is fighting with Ed for selling a documentary and lying about John’s participation. “If this is how you want to capitalize on our father’s legacy… FINE! Just leave me out of this!,” John tells the couple, when Caroline goes to her bookshelf and picks up an issue of George with Drew Barrymore posing as Marilyn Monroe with the headline HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT. John’s like “It’s tongue-in-cheek! Everyone pokes fun at our family, why can’t we?” and Caroline’s like It’s cheap and reeks of desperation! She does not care for subversion! Now they’re full-on fighting, John says she never tried to do anything, and Caroline’s like “I wrote a book on the merits of privacy you oughta give it a read!” Ed is, as always, stuck in the middle trying to negotiate peace in the household, he’s like “If I knew you didn’t want to take part in the documentary…” and John cuts him off. “There’s not gonna be a documentary!” He’s killed it. Ed is in shock. Caroline storms off.
Carolyn and cousin Anthony share a moment during another Kennedy dinner party where no one else is having a good time
Carolyn is reapplying her lipstick—a gorgeous deep wine shade—and talking to her sister Lauren about how she had to reject the Ralph Lauren job, and how the paparazzi are camping outside their house. At the party, rich old ladies are helpfully harassing Carolyn about what charities she is going to take over, and what philanthropic practice she’ll establish before “John answers the call of duty,” meaning run for president. Cousin Anthony is sitting nearby and as soon as he overhears them he starts coughing and asks her for a glass of water, she hurries over concerned, but he’s fine. He was just trying to save her from the crazies. And this is another reason why cousin Anthony remains my favorite.
Elsewhere at the party, John is being courted by a political advisor. “I’m just saying… senator sounds much better than former editor of George,” she tells him. John is not immediately put off by the exchange, which is the first time we realize that perhaps Ann Marie Messina was right in not trusting John’s alleged lack of desire to go into politics. The advisor catches John looking at Carolyn and asks if she should “butter Carolyn up,” but the way John says “No, do not talk to my wife,” implies more that he’s hiding this aspect from her rather than it being because he has no political aspirations.
One of Caroline’s kids asks Carolyn to go get candy from the doorman and they go together. The paparazzi appear and Carolyn’s like, ok kid, candy party is over and they start heading back to the party, but of course at that same time Caroline comes down frantically looking for her daughter, sees the paparazzi, and then completely freaks out on Carolyn. It could be because she is still mad at her brother for cancelling her husband’s documentary, but the whole thing is so rude and out of place, especially considering poor Carolyn is still trying to figure out how to navigate all the attention—which by the way, she does not want and is not courting! Consider the fact that she’s been offered the covers of Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar and she’s turned them down both. Consider the fact that in her lifetime she did not pose for a magazine editorial or even grant an interview (if you look on YouTube you may find maybe 20 seconds of her speaking on camera). She really meant it when she said she wanted privacy. Caroline delivers one of the most unempathetic speeches maybe in the whole series, ending with “You could’ve lived any other life, but you chose this life,” and Carolyn is like “I chose your brother despite this life,” and she’s just like “Well, I don’t really know what to tell you.” Even after making her maid of honor, Caroline just… does not care!
Two months later, John is coming home from a run when the paparazzi waiting outside his home beg him for Carolyn to come out for a photo “We haven’t seen her all week,” they plead like that scene in The Lion King when Zazu sings “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen” to Scar. Carolyn is in her apartment talking to her sister Lauren about Candace Bushnell’s latest “fiction” column in Manhattan File magazine about a blonde Manhattan woman named…. CKB who has “married her dream man” and is also “addicted to pills.” When John walks in, she hides the magazine and you have to wonder if he ever knew this thing was being published.
John, meanwhile, is gearing up to make a cameo on Murphy Brown, while also meeting his sister for lunch to attempt and patch up their latest tiff. Caroline compliments his latest interview in the magazine with Billy Graham, quoting him—“Where does our own free will end and God’s will begin… sounds like you had a lot on your mind?” John is like, a lot’s been going on and we haven’t been talking; and Caroline complains that he’s managing their lives while John’s like well, I’ve been answering to you my whole life! She’s like “Well, it’s obvious the dynamic has changed.” John asks her once more to reach out to Carolyn, and offer advice on how she’s managed to maintain privacy in her life. Caroline’s like yeah but I worked really hard on it, and I made a lot of hard choices which you didn’t make and that’s fine but, you can’t just opt out of it now. “You’re a package deal now,” she tells him. “Her relationship with the press won’t change until your relationship with the press changes.”
Carolyn meets her sister at Bubby’s to celebrate her promotion to VP at Morgan Stanley; Lauren asks if she heard from her Nana, that she maybe read something about how Carolyn is addicted to pills and is worried. She asks Carolyn how her job search is going, but Carolyn feels that she cannot have a job because of the paparazzi that are always following her. Lauren is like, you should talk to a therapist but Carolyn is not really feeling it. Lauren tells her that she needs to figure out a way to live her life, that the press will always write something bad because bad relationships sell papers.
You should not be reading the things they say about you, girl!
That evening, Carolyn and John attend a gala together and the paps insult her as they walk the red carpet. The next day the tabloids are full of stories about how she is pregnant, that her stomach looks fuller, that she has that pregnancy glow. She reads them and spirals, what if she was pregnant but then miscarried? How would those stories feel? She tells John the paps routinely insult her, that she understands it’s all bullshit how they write that she is addicted to pills and cocaine, but she can’t help but think about what it’s like for her family and friends back home who are reading these stories and don’t know that they aren’t true. “Everyone’s like ‘oh she knew what she was signing up for,’ but you didn’t even know what we were signing up for!,” she tells him. John activates the puppy dog eyes, while she totally breaks down. “I’m so sorry,” he tells her. Later, when he leaves his apartment and a pap yells at him, he throws the camera on the ground.
John walks into his office, and Michael immediately rails into him. John’s like Give me a fucking break dude! I’m dealing with some shit with my wife! And Michael is like “I could give a shit about your wife!” and then “I’ve had to be your mommy and your daddy!” telling John that he’s a useless mess. And finally John punches Michael in the nose and they fight it out. John tells him to leave his office, and Michael’s like great, “I quit! I can’t wait for everyone to see what a fuckup you really are!” I’ve never been happier to see someone get punched as I felt when John finally delivered that first blow.
John picks up the phone and calls the political advisor. He meets her for dinner.
Back at their Tribeca apartment, Carolyn is smoking a cigarette looking out the window while Fiona Apple’s “Sullen Girl” plays. “Days like this, I don’t know what to do with myself /All day and all night I wander the halls along the walls/ And under my breath I say to myself / I need fuel to take flight / And there’s too much going on/ But it’s calm under the waves / In the blue of my oblivion.”
Best Line in the Episode:
Cousin Anthony, explaining to Carolyn what it’s like living with John-John’s glass half-full persona:
“I have had a front row seat for John’s version of reality my whole life but fortunately for me it is no longer my responsibility to remind him that he is a mere mortal and cannot will things into fruition. Best of luck, do not call me for advice, I am retired.”
Cigarette Count:
Carolyn – 1, right at the end.
‘ The preceding article may include information circulated by third parties ’
‘ Some details of this article were extracted from the following source www.harpersbazaar.com ’
