While Valerie Bertinelli doesn’t consider her marriage to late rocker Eddie Van Halen a “failure,” there are some elements she wishes had gone differently — especially when it comes to their friendship after their divorce.
While chatting with actress Sophia Bush for Wednesday’s episode of her podcast, Work in Progress With Sophia Bush, Bertinelli reflected on her relationship with Van Halen, and being by his side as he struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction while living during the “era of real rock stars.”
“You know, it was crazy in a personal way because the frustration of wanting him to get well, you know, and me not being mature enough to know how to deal with that,” Bertinelli mused of witnessing Van Halen’s struggle firsthand. “And, because knowing what I know now about trauma and how it affects people, I would be much more compassionate with Ed and his journey that he needed to take.”
Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen in 1996
Credit: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
Bertinelli and Van Halen tied the knot in 1981 and welcomed their son, Wolfgang Van Halen, in 1991. Van Halen was candid about his heavy partying and drinking ways during his marriage to the One Day at a Time actress, until he got sober in 2008.
“I didn’t drink to party,” he told Billboard in a 2015 cover story. “Alcohol and cocaine were private things to me. I would use them for work. The blow keeps you awake and the alcohol lowers your inhibitions. I’m sure there were musical things I would not have attempted were I not in that mental state. You just play by yourself with a tape running, and after about an hour, your mind goes to a place where you’re not thinking about anything.”
The late rocker said that he’d “needed alcohol to function,” after having started drinking and smoking when he was 12 years old. “I got drunk before I’d show up to high school. My ninth grade science teacher, he could smell the alcohol, and he told me, ‘Don’t drink anything you can’t see through.’ And I was like, ‘So, vodka?’ And he said, ‘Yeah.’ Which was great, because that was my drink,” he recalled. “I’m not blaming my father at all, but he was an alcoholic, too. So in our household, it was normal. But it never affected his work, although I guess it didn’t affect my work, either.”
While it might not have affected his work — the musician conceded that drugs and booze were pretty intertwined with the rock star lifestyle — it did affect his relationship with Bertinelli. The couple were together for more than two decades before their divorce was finalized in 2007. The Grammy winner and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee died of cancer at 65 in 2020.
“I’m incredibly grateful for where we ended up the last year of his life, but I’m kicking myself that I wish I had learned what I know now earlier, so I could have been a better friend to him,” Bertinelli told Bush. “If I couldn’t have been a good partner — because that was over — I could have been a better friend.”
Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli in 1994
Credit: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic,
While The Drew Barrymore Show star gave herself enough grace to acknowledge that she was “the best friend I could be near the end of his life,” she added that it was still “frustrating” to now have the knowledge that could have helped someone she loved “so much.”
“I understand that, wishing you had the tools sooner, but also having compassion that you can’t learn a lesson until you learn it,” Bush responded, adding that the sentiment was true for both Bertinelli and the late musician.
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As Bertinelli has previously stated, although she still has love for her first husband, she doesn’t consider him her “soulmate.” In a since-deleted Instagram video from 2024, Bertinelli shared that she doesn’t see much worth romanticizing about their relationship aside from the birth of their son.
“After Ed died, I was more than willing to put myself in the ‘grieving widow’ category for a man that I hadn’t lived with for 20 years,” Bertinelli said. “What we had together was this beautiful son that we both unconditionally loved. That’s what I got out of that marriage: Wolfie, the best thing that ever happened to me. Not a soulmate.”
Listen to Valerie Bertinelli’s full conversation with Sophia Bush wherever podcasts are available.
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