“South Park” returned on Wednesday to hit President Donald Trump below the belt with multiple depictions of his “teeny tiny” penis.
The episode also skewered tech CEOs and government leaders for bribing Trump with golden “gifts,” again depicted Trump’s bedroom lover as none other than Satan himself, and reduced Vice President JD Vance to a miniature sidekick who offers to bring his boss a “cumrag.”
That “cumrag,” tragically, turns out to be longtime “South Park” fan-favorite character Towelie.
Much of the episode focuses not on Trump, but on Randy Marsh ― Stan’s dad ― and his marijuana farm, which struggles after his workers are hauled off in a federal raid.
He sends Towelie to D.C. to lobby Trump for marijuana reclassification. Towelie finds the city overrun with military troops, as Trump has called in the National Guard, just as he has done in real life in a move critics have dismissed as a “stunt.”
Towelie also finds a statue of Thomas Jefferson in the Capitol is now a statue of Trump, with a very small penis. Likewise, the statue of Abraham Lincoln at the Lincoln Memorial is also a statue of Trump, again with a tiny penis.
When Towelie reaches the White House to meet Trump, an aide warns visitors to “avoid staring directly into his penis.”
There, Towelie joins a line of CEOs and officials who offer Trump “gifts” and assure him that his penis isn’t small.
Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, for example, brings the president a gold-plated VR headset.
Trump dismisses him as “a little bitch.”
Apple CEO Tim Cook shows up to give Trump a small sculpture ― something he did for real earlier this month.
Trump takes the gift and goes to his bedroom, where he promptly tears off all his clothes and hops into bed with Satan.
“Hey Satan! Look at what some dipshit tech CEO gave me,” he tells Satan. “I was thinking maybe we could try to shove it up your ass.”
Towelie is there to lobby Trump to reclassify marijuana, but ends up as a gift to Trump instead. By the end of the episode, Satan finds Towelie in a White House bathroom, covered in white stains, begging for help.
“Please,” Towelie asks Satan. “I wanna get out of here.”
“So do I,” Satan replies. “But there is no escape from this place.”
“South Park” has so far been biweekly since returning last month, and that pattern will continue ― at least for now ― as the next episode will air Sept. 3 on Comedy Central.
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