Saturday Night Live‘s cold open for October 11 featured host Amy Poehler as she channeled U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi and Tina Fey as she transformed into U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem.
In the skit, Poehler (as Bondi) appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee for a follow-up session after “senators determined that she hadn’t actually answered any of their questions.”
“Furious to be here,” Poehler’s sassy Bondi said. “Before I don’t answer, I’d like to insult you personally,” she added, also promising “many of the roast-style burns” she had prepared for the testimony.
After Senator Sheldon Whitehouse asked Bondi about Donald Trump‘s alleged involvement with Jeffrey Epstein, she rolled her eyes and declared, “Sir, I am not even going to dignify that question with a lie.”
Later, Bondi quipped, “Yeah, I recognize Dick Durbin. His name sounds like something Diddy got arrested for. That’s from my burn book.” She added, “And while we’re at it, Amy Klobuchar, your ass out here sounding like a Pokemon. I choose you, Klobuchar!”
When Illinois Senator Durbin asked why ICE troops were being sent to his state, Bondi replied, “You’ll have to ask Homeland Security Director Kristi Noem.” Durbin pointed out, “She isn’t here,” as Fey (as Noem) walked into the frame toting a semi-automatic rifle and wearing a blue pantsuit with a ball cap.
“Hold my gun,” Noem demanded as she tossed it off-frame.
“I’m the rarest type of person in Washington, D.C.: a brunette that Donald Trump listens to,” Noem said. “I’m here to tell you that this Democrat government shutdown needs to end now.”
When a senator said that Democrats were “even more eager to end this shutdown than our Republican colleagues,” Noem quipped, “Ha! That makes me laugh more than the ending of Old Yeller.”
“When the dog gets shot?” the baffled congressman responded, to which Noem said, “Dogs don’t just ‘get shot.’ Heroes shoot them.”
That’s when Noem changed the subject to ICE agents not minding that they don’t get paid during the government shutdown. “They’re in it for the love of the game,” she insisted before beginning her recruiting spiel as Bondi acted as the answering ICE prospects.
“Do you need a job now? (Yeah.) Are you a big, tough guy? (Yeah.) Tough enough for the Army or police? (No.),” the duo began.
“Do you take supplements that you bought at a gas station? (Daily.) Do you like to use zip ties because people in your life don’t trust you with keys? (You know it.)” they continued. “Then buckle up and slap on some Oakleys, big boy. Welcome to ICE.”
Saturday Night Live, Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET on NBC
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