How on EARTH can season two ever beat this!?
The Celebrity Traitors has honestly been the best TV we could have ever hoped for. The hype was real and they lived up to it tenfold. Mostly because this was a cast who were well and truly primed to make great reality TV and everyone was bringing something iconic to the table. We’ve laughed, we’ve gasped, we’ve been flabbergasted and we’ve wondered if maybe someone has been recruited – and now it’s all over. As we relish in the glory of an Alan Carr victory – here’s a final ranked rundown of the perfect The Celebrity Traitors cast.
19. Niko
Ahh Niko, we hardly knew you. The first to be banished and barely a single iconic moment – but he could have been great.
18. Tameka
Tameka I just really wanted to be iconic but I kind of forgot she was there. Despite Mark’s vendetta against her she kind of felt like she just gave up and didn’t make a huge impression.
17. Paloma
via BBC
Paloma Faith was the first to get chopped by the Traitors but the demise of her is what makes her a bit more memorable than the other two. All the drama around Alan murdering her just made for great TV and because she’s such a well known name before the show it hit so much harder. Extra fun that she was obviously FUMING.
16. Stephen
Stayed around for two thirds of the show but what did Stephen Fry actually bring to the table? Definitely not the genius faithful people thought he might be and honestly he just seemed to have no theories at the roundtable a lot of the time. Will be remembered a lot for the ‘big dog’ theory but that’s about it.
15. Clare
Always got time for the iconic Clare Balding. Left us too soon. Best moment was when she completely ruined the first mission by accident – and second best moment was how iconically terrifying her mannequin head was.
14. Charlotte
The Church was quite camp but again, had not that much to do. I love how competitive she seemed and how invested she was. It was iconic she got quite a unique death with the sirens in her room.
13. Joe Wilkinson
The Joe and Joe show was a GREAT part of the show and I honestly really wish he stayed longer. He got done quite dirty in the long run. Lowkey wish he was a Traitor in hindsight.
12. David
Quite an unexpected finalist, I didn’t know much about David compared to his The Celebrity Traitors cast mates ranked here. But he really grew on me. Not a showy character but a very thoughtful and calm presence in the game.
Via BBC
11. Tom
Didn’t get much chance to shine but when he was on screen he did create the iconic feud between him and Kate Garraway, and his legacy will be that side eye alone that spawned a billion memes. Extra laughs come from the “entrepreneur” he had on his description whenever he was speaking. Sure, mate.
10. Kate
Kind of the most annoying person to ever live and truly a nightmare this series. Felt like every breakfast the cast in this The Celebrity Traitors ranked couldn’t even be bothered saying morning which was brutal but funny. She makes the top 10 though because you need a character like Garraway there to be the stooge and it makes for better TV.
9. Lucy
Lucy Beaumont girl bossed too close to the sun, to be frank. She was on to them too hard and she got an iconic murder and came face to face with the Traitors because of it! She had a slow ascension in the show and she kind of proved herself to be a real threat.
8. Mark
Poor Mark. His only crime was being too passionate about being a faithful and it came to bite him in the arse. He’s just a theatrical bloke who got involved! Justice for Mark Bonnar.
7. Ruth
Now we’re getting into the REAL threats. Ruth Codd was unknown to most unless you’d watched her in Mike Flanagan’s big Netflix shows – but there’s no one who doesn’t know how iconic she is after her Traitor hunting. She had Jonathan Ross FLAPPING and only didn’t last longer because she’s so good.
6. Jonathan
A huge character and he absolutely smashed it to be fair to him. Despite a lot of eyes on him, with the other Traitors he really put a shift in lasting a long time and his big double bluff that time with Ruth was truly playing a blinder.
5. Joe Marler
He played it a bit too sport like, but fair play to him. The Faithfuls would have won if the others listened to him by the end and he really locked in to win it for everyone. Very main character and perfect way to kick off the top five Celebrity Traitors ranked.
4. Nick
Wow. I loved Nick because he really played it risky as a Faithful to be tactical and do what was right for the team. He put himself out there when he purposely sabotaged that task and it got him to the final. That kind of game playing is what it’s all about.
3. Cat
I’m so happy Cat Burns shone this season because she’s the perfect casting. Someone well known but not to everyone who got to boost her profile by playing it all cool, calm and collected. She was genius and she really was a wise choice to be a Traitor. Her and Alan just the ultimate team.
2. Celia
National treasure. Who else farts on TV? Nobody. Perfect icon.
1. Alan
Credit: BBC
Alan Carr is a well loved TV personality, but his star making turn on this show will change the trajectory of how this country adores him forever. He started as the laughing stock but finished as the one truly laughing. And crying. The perfect example of being true to yourself and playing up to your own ridiculous quirks. Godly.
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