Kate Beckinsale—the very famous British actress who I’m always surprised to remember is British—is currently promoting a movie in which she wears leather pants and kicks guys in the face while a couple of women smile in amusement. I don’t know anything more about the film because her interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live! on Monday got derailed by one of the more unbelievable stories I’ve ever heard. And while my own synopsis feels like something I’d be into, I’ll probably never learn anything more about this film because, for at least the next 20 years, my brainspace will be occupied with thinking about whatever the fuck is happening with Beckinsale’s daughter’s boyfriend.
The interview began, as many celebrity talk show interviews do—with some witty, slightly sexual banter and, since Beckinsale is British, some well-deserved America-bashing. But the conversation took a hard pivot when Kimmel asked how old Beckinsale’s daughter is (26) and whether she currently has to share her with another family for Thanksgiving. Kate revealed that yes, her daughter has a boyfriend, and he’s one of five people she’s screamed at in her entire life: “Three producers, an ex-husband, and him.”
But she quickly clarified that she loves him, especially because she’s had a rough past couple of years—since both her parents passed away—and “literally the only bright spot in the whole time came from him.” How did he create such joy and distraction? Allegedly, by laying not one…but two eggs.
“Well he laid two eggs in a week is what the bright spot was,” she said, after Kimmel commented that that’s “such a nice thing to hear.” I imagine Kimmel, like me, and probably the entire audience, was envisioning this boyfriend doing something like regularly sending flowers or offering to bring some non-cafeteria food to the hospital. Not, you know, possessing an ovipositor.
“Could we rewind for just a moment?” Kimmel said.
“It had a shell and a yolk,” Beckinsale responded.
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“He went to the bathroom and was very surprised to find that he had laid an egg,” she continued, offering zero context or explanation. “I got very involved in this because I really did need a distraction because everything was so horrible.”
She described it as more like a hard-boiled egg, which had “kind of cooked inside him.” She also said she initially thought he was embellishing because…it sounds like he’s embellishing, and that she asked if he was putting eggs up his butt for attention. That is, until later in the week, when her daughter texted that he’d done it again, and this time she sent photos.
She showed Kimmel the photos but, much to the audience’s (and mine!!!!) disappointment, said they were too “medical” for live TV. Guillermo got to see them, too. They both looked shocked and a little disturbed, with Kimmel exclaiming that her daughter’s boyfriend must be the Easter Bunny. (Even though the Easter Bunny delivers eggs and doesn’t lay them.)
Beckinsale said she texted the photo to all the doctors she knows, who texted all the doctors they know, and ultimately, no one knows what the hell it is—though some suggested it was some type of “complicated masturbation thing,” which she ensured the Kimmel audience it was not.
“It’s my favorite thing he’s ever done,” she concluded.
I had high hopes that the YouTube comments would be filled with explanations, but, alas, everyone is too concerned with how skinny and “different” Beckinsale looks. I understand that Hollywood is shrinking, and that’s an important conversation to sometimes have, but not everyone in Hollywood is laying eggs, as far as I know. Still, here we are, obsessing over a woman’s appearance instead of obsessing over a guy laying eggs!
If you are a health care professional and have an explanation for this phenomenon, I am begging you to leave it in the comments. My entire life trajectory now depends on this.
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