A few years ago, I moved back to New York fresh off a breakup, and with a sharp pain in my knee.
I wound up having a torn meniscus, and elected to have surgery, which was supposed to take two weeks to heal. What ended up happening? I had to walk with crutches for over three months, and a cane for many months after that. Months of physical therapy and countless doctor appointments led to confusing diagnoses that eventually went nowhere. The whole time, I felt like my life was completely on hold.
The dream I thought I’d wanted — the life in California with my now-ex, the new exercises and dance moves I wanted to try — had all been completely put on hold.
I was traumatized mentally from the relationship, and physically unable to walk without pain. So I did what many have done before me in times of struggle: I turned to TV for a distraction.
I watched a lot of shows while healing from my knee injury, but none stood out as much as Game of Thrones. I started watching the series soon after the surgery, and it brought me through those months, transporting me to a different world full of intrigue, danger, and infinite lore.
Warning: Many spoilers ahead!
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Like many, I found myself immediately drawn to Daenerys Targaryen. I already knew how her story ended; I could remember how shocked and horrified my friends had been when the finale aired.
So I tried to prepare myself for it along the way, looking for signs that she’d someday go mad and massacre a whole population.
I would never compare my situation to Dany’s. I didn’t even feel particularly sorry for myself at the time; I was still able to live in New York City and could order Lyfts and DoorDash.
HBO
And I adopted a kind of calm resignation to the knee, accepting that it would take however long it took to heal. But I did find myself drawn to her story of resilience and overcoming seemingly impossible odds time and time again.
The whole time I watched Game of Thrones, I was also mostly horizontal. Not because I was in bed, but because I was basically doing physical therapy the entire time I watched the show.
I vividly remember watching Hodor’s “Hold the Door” storyline while doing leg lifts on my bedroom floor and having to stop the exercise timer I used so I could watch that gut-wrenching final scene again.
I was hooked, completely. I finally understood why Game of Thrones had sparked such a craze.
Its darkness, complexity, and sheer dramatic intensity all completely brought me to another realm, and often made me feel even more glad to be in this one.
Characters like Brianne of Tarth, Ygritte, and Tyrion Lannister still live in my heart today.
They all became so real for me, with their nuanced plots and their fearlessness, vulnerability, and mistakes.
I was prepared for the last few seasons to decline in quality as well, but I wasn’t too disappointed when I watched Jon Snow come back from the dead.
I was even in awe of “The Long Night,” despite having some questions about whether Arya should’ve been the one to kill the Night King.
All the while, I kept steeling myself for Dany’s downfall. I’d had enough disappointments, I thought. I could handle it. And I felt sympathetic to her as I watched her slowly descend into madness and exhaustion.
I could handle a complex female anti-hero, I thought. Perhaps it really all could be a metaphor for how violence and a hunger for power always breed more violence and pain.
But then came the episode where Dany massacred King’s Landing. Randomly. Unnecessarily. Without any plausible cause. And I was enraged.
I could accept my breakup. I could accept my knee injury and the seemingly endless healing process. But I could not accept this.
Because this was so random. So out-of-left-field. I could see the patterns that had led me to the toxic relationship that resulted in an inevitable breakup. I could trust that it all was part of some greater plan. But there was no greater plan behind what happened with Dany and her decision to brutally kill all the people she’d spent the whole time fighting for.
Maybe it would make more sense if she were in full psychosis. But there weren’t enough clarifying indications that this was the case. No, there was just the completely stupid and cruel decision to erase everything she ever stood for.
I think I was angrier about what happened with Daenerys than my own breakup and knee injury combined.
After all, Daenerys wasn’t just a character at that point — she was a friend, a companion who had accompanied me through literally countless hip raises and squats.
My knee took a little while longer to heal after I finished Game of Thrones. But it eventually completely healed, allowing me to travel the world as I’d long dreamed. I’m now in a new relationship and am completely over my ex.
I can now say that I prefer real life to watching TV, which I couldn’t say when I was watching Game of Thrones. But I’m still not over what happened to Daenerys in the least.
TV shows aren’t just entertainment. For many, especially when they’re going through a hard time, they’re relief, providing calmness, escapism, and joy. They’re certainly not something to become overly reliant on. But they’re pretty innocent forms of self-soothing.
Helen Sloan/HBO
Epic shows like Game of Thrones, in particular, have a way of engaging you deeply, pulling you close to characters and making you feel like you’re part of something greater. That’s why Daenerys’s betrayal felt like such a gut-punch — because of how much her story meant to so many of us, and how carelessly she was thrown away.
I’ll always remember watching some of Daenerys’s most iconic early scenes — when she hatched the dragon eggs through the fire, and when she was saved by Drogon. Those scenes remind me that we can always rise from the ashes.
She was a true hero — a true Khaleesi — and that’s how I’ll choose to remember her.
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HBO
In spite of the ending, I still think Game of Thrones is worth a watch — as long as you don’t mind a heavy dash of violence and sex, of course — and I don’t regret watching it in the slightest. It’s beautiful high fantasy, wild and imaginative and heartbreaking in the way the best stories are.
Helen Sloan/HBO
It got me through a time when I really, really needed extra entertainment while doing physical therapy, to say the very least. And for that I’ll always be eternally grateful, even though that gratitude sits right alongside my eternal bitterness.
In fact, I might just have to rewatch it again. And at least we have House of the Dragon, a show where we already know that the characters are morally a mess. Maybe it’s a Targaryen thing. Or maybe it’s a life thing.
HBO
Sometimes, things happen that don’t seem to make sense, and the best we can do is accept them, learn from them, and move forward. Which I’m still trying to do after the Game of Thrones finale. Clearly.
What does Game of Thrones mean to you? How do you feel about the ending today? Let us know in the comments!
Watch Game of Thrones in its entirety on HBO Max.
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