In a world full of mediocre Hollywood sequels, Nikki Glaser, returning to host the Golden Globes for a second year running, proved Sunday that reboots can sometimes work.
As stars visibly braced themselves for their moment under her spotlight, Glaser’s 10-minute opening monologue was full of snappy, self-aware jokes that gently skewered every part of Hollywood, from its celebrities and movies to its media companies and obsession with staying young.
Some jokes poked fun at familiar topics like George Clooney’s Nespresso ads or the age of Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriends or Kevin Hart’s height, but there were plenty of other gags in there, too.
Let’s take a look at some of Glaser’s funniest jokes from the night:
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“Welcome to the Golden Globes, without a doubt, the most important thing that’s happening in the world right now.”
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“There are so many A-listers here, and by A-listers I mean people who are on a list that has been heavily redacted.”
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“George Clooney, you’re amazing, I’m such a fan. I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to you right now. I’ve always wanted to ask you this question, it might be unprofessional but here goes. My Nespresso has been coming out kind of watery, and I’m wondering — is it, like, a pod issue, or do you think it might be the filter?”
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“The Rock is nominated tonight, and, luckily for him, the TV show ‘The Paper’ is not, so he might win.”
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“What a career Leonardo DiCaprio has had. Countless iconic performances, you’ve worked with every great director, you’ve won three Golden Globes and an Oscar, and the most impressive thing is you were able to accomplish all that before your girlfriend turned 30. ”
celebrity.land’s Stephanie Elam interviews Nikki Glaser, host of 2026 Golden Globes
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“In ‘Sinners,’ Michael B. Jordan played two brothers. Am I allowed to say that? Doesn’t sound right. He played twins. I can’t believe it, we got two Michael B. Jordans. When I saw that, I was like Nikki B. Jerkin.”
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“’Wicked’ was back with ‘Wicked: For Money’ … Two hours into that movie I was in tears, like I can’t believe there’s 45 minutes left.”
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“Ariana (Grande), I would listen to you sing the phonebook, grab the one Kevin Hart is sitting on.”
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“Not a lot of people know this, but Timothée Chalamet is the first actor in history to have to put on muscle for a movie about ping-pong. He gained over 60 ounces, it’s insane.”
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“It’s a privilege to be in this room with you all. Please keep doing what you’re doing. Guillermo del Toro, keep making weird monster sex movies. And James Cameron, keep making weird monster sex movies.”
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“And lastly, Steve Martin and Martin Short, keep proving that in this industry, you’re never too old to still need money.”
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