Phillies
The baseball season is a notoriously long, 162-game grind, especially for a player as consistent and productive as Kyle Schwarber. Throw in a near-win at the Home Run Derby and a (not great) All-Star Game appearance, and it’s good to know he took a well-deserved day off in Avalon on Wednesday, having interactions like this one:
This is good stuff. I enjoyed everything about this story. I like that Kyle is getting some time down the shore with the family. I like that the fan wasn’t immediately certain that it was, in fact, Kyle Schwarber. That checks out to me. Kyle does look like every tired dad on the beach in the summer. Could see him wearing a rec league basketball cutoff and long Billabong board shorts with a built-in bottle opener, absentmindedly watching his kids dig a big hole, a Surfside in one hand and one of those surfer guy toys that are popular this year for some reason in the other:
I also think the way this fan acknowledged Kyle is the best way to do it. He didn’t walk up to him on his family beach day and ask for a photo. He didn’t try to shake his hand. He did something way cooler – he hit Kyle with the niche DJ Schwarbs move, proving that he’s a true ball knower:
Which Kyle returned with a thumbs up, showing his respect for the gesture. And that was it. Everyone kept it moving. Nice and easy. Very respectful. Very wholesome. A nice moment.
I’ve given this some real thought over the years: seeing a celebrity in public is tricky, especially if you’re a fan of theirs. The natural inclination is to want to go over and say what’s up. But I feel like it’s been pretty beaten into us peasants that celebrities don’t like that – that many would prefer never to be acknowledged in public, that they think it’s actually rude or weird when fans try talking to them. In my opinion, that’s pretty ridiculous stuff and lacks some self-awareness. I think it’s okay to point out that celebrities enjoy many, many benefits in life that most people don’t, and a reasonable part of the deal is that, in exchange for those privileges, they should be cool with saying hello to a stranger every once in a while. So what’s the best way to do it? In my only three celebrity interactions ever, I personally have not found the right balance yet:
I once saw Evan Turner in the Manayunk Diner and asked him for a picture. He obliged but seemed pissed. I once saw Michael Carter-Williams at the KOP Mall. With the memory of Irritated Evan Turner fresh in my mind, I did not approach. Like a coward… The third one was seeing J.J. Redick two tables over from me at Mulherin’s one time. I didn’t say anything to him either.
In all of those situations, I wish I had a DJ Schwarber-esque move I could’ve done to show them that 1) I see you, 2) I am a fan, 3) I am respectful, and 4) I want nothing from you at all; just thought I’d say what’s up; goodbye forever.
That’s the perfect balance. Hopefully I can think of something like that the next time I see Evan Turner, MCW and J.J. Anyway, thank you for the insight, Redditor. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Enjoy the rest of your time in Avalon.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)
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