Joe Ryan was his usual solid self after a tough first inning. The Jim Henson’s Twins Babies continued playing with enthusiasm. Inning-by-inning notes:
1: Because SB tech now exists to annoy me, I can’t access comments via Firefox on my desktop PC anymore. So I have to use f***ing Google Chrome. I hate Google Chrome. It sucks and it’s slow and it’s already crashed my computer once having both Google and Firefox open (it’s an old computer). But, whatever’s gonna increase our SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, right?
(Note to corporate wizards: Search engines don’t promote sites anymore, they provide AI summaries. But I guess you knew that, right? ‘Cause corporate wizards are GREAT!)
Anyways I hate this team and I hate this site tech and I hate everything except you, and that’s only because I haven’t met you yet.
Mike Yastremski murders a baseball. Yes, he is Grandson of Carl. How many Yastremskis would you have in baseball who AREN’T related? It’s like we’ll know any future Mientkiewiczs are probably related to Doug.
Makiel Garcia gets a hit / Steals a base and the throw is s**t / Goes to third, giving me a fit / Nothing happens who cares
Matt Wallner shows off his classical education and cites Homer. Ryan Jeffers walks, Kody Clemens singles him to third. Luke “The New Julien” Keaschall singles him in, moving Clemens to third — he scores on a fielder’s choice when the Royals dumbly try to get the next out at second instead of first. I am so happy now, Twins lead 3-1, all is forgiven and Derek Falvey is greatest executive ever
2: Ryan settling down a bit. Seth Lugo walks Mickey Gasper — uhh, why? — and Alan “Whoooo?” Roden singles him to second. Jeffers scores Gasper — umm, shouldn’t have walked him — and Luke “New Royce” Keaschall knocks Roden in. Hmm, Lugo DID have a much higher FIP than ERA entering this game… anyhoo, CHAMPIONSHIP NOW 5-1
3: Atteberry said something about how “we have the only two astrophysicists in the major leagues.” Um, OK, a couple of Twins majored in physics in college, I dunno if they finished or not… but that does NOT make you an astrophysicist any more than my college journalism classes make me a “sportswriter.”
4: Ryan hits Vinnie Pasquantino because one time Pasquantino made fun of “those weird guys who dump talcum powder on their junk” and Ryan took Offense. Nothing comes of it and Ryan mouths “ball chafer” at Pasquantino as he leaves the field.
Jeffers has a two out walk and Klemens Klobbers one. Kool! Kan that Konvince me to beKome a big baseball-Krazy fan again? Um, no. But thanks for trying, guys. It’s because they LOVE US 7-1
5: A couple of one-out singles by the Royals, no harm done, but it pushes Ryan up to 87 pitches, meaning more time for The Best Bullpen in Baseball in Terms of Low-Level Prospects You Could Trade Them All Away For.
6: One of the bullpen noobs (Travis Adams) gives up a dinger to Witt. You are sad, and I am here to comfort you. In 100 years, we’ll all be dead anyways.
Wait? Sheboygan ad where Buxton doesn’t sing? DID THEY TRADE AWAY BUXTON’S SHEBOYGAN SINGING? God d**n these people. They won’t leave me with anything.
Roden singles, Wallner doubles, Ryan Jeffers drives one in. Kody Clemens fielder’s choice time, Wallner thrown out at the plate.
(If you sing that last sentence to the “happy Whos in Whoville” Christmas special song, the meter fits, you will be impressed.)
Lewis doubles. More points. Fuggin yay Twins 9-2
8: Um, anything happen? The world’s still going to crap in a crapbasket festooned with a crapribbon of exceedingly putrid crap. The problem with this version of “End of the World as We Know It” is, there’s no Mike Mills in the background singing “and I feel fine.” So that’s a disappointment. R.E.M. LIED to us.
Travis Adams gave up more runs. ERA now 6.86. But he’s only 25, the guy’s frontal lobe hasn’t even finished developing yet, he might still be good FOR A DOOMED TEAM IN A DOOMED WORLD. The score’s now 9-3, I guess
9: Something called a Brooks Kriske finishes the game. He gives up a run. He played for the Royals in 2023. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think. Twims wim!
Studs: Ryan, plus Clemens, Keaschall, Jeffers, Lewis (2 RBI apiece). Duds: the fact that I spent the last 10 years saying “Derek Falvey is no more a magical genius than any other GM in baseball” and I’m probably gonna hafta spend the next 10 years doing the same thing
COTG goes to sandwiches for “The Atteberry and Gladden exchange about Hello Kitty is peak stuff” and everyone for random musing on Gladden’s bike and other iffy Twins blogsites. As this post amply demonstrates, there’s only One Twins blogsite you need for top SPORTS ANALYSIS. Thanks to everybody who participated in the thread!
Tomorrow’s game is at 6:10, and features KC’s Noah “Flood It” Cameron matching up against Bailey “Take The” Ober. Have a fun weekend, if you have the weekend off, and make the best of it if you don’t!
‘ The preceding article may include information circulated by third parties ’
‘ Some details of this article were extracted from the following source www.twinkietown.com ’
