Noor NanjiCulture reporter
BBCSpoiler warning: This article reveals details from The Celebrity Traitors finale
There have been murders, betrayals, a serious side-eye, and a fart that cut through all the tension.
But on Thursday night, we finally found out who had emerged victorious in the inaugural The Celebrity Traitors.
Out of 19 contestants, just five remained. Traitors Cat Burns and Alan Carr, and faithfuls Joe Marler, Nick Mohammed and David Olusoga.
Soon, it was down to just three: Carr, Mohammed and Olusoga.
And in the end, it was comedian Alan Carr who was crowned the winner, in a move that broke the internet – and left him in floods of tears.
“It’s been tearing me apart, I’m so sorry,” he howled, as he revealed to the remaining faithfuls that he’d always been a traitor. “I’m an awful human being.”
“You did brilliantly,” they consoled him. “It’s all right.”
Social media quickly erupted with the news. “Most awful traitor ever being the best traitor ever,” wrote one X user.
“There could not have been a more iconic ending,” wrote another, while a third called it “the TV moment of the year”.
His chosen charity, Neuroblastoma UK, will get all the prize money, with the final pot coming to £87,500.
Alan Carr’s transformation from giggling liability to cold-hearted killer was one of the standout highlights of the series.
But his win still left the nation in shock, said entertainment reporter Indigo Stafford.
“The idea of Alan, of all people, pulling off a masterclass in deception felt about as likely as him keeping a straight face through one of his own punchlines.”
On the Uncloaked podcast later, the other contestants summed up why no one had ever really suspected him.
“Alan could have come down to breakfast in a green cloak and I still wouldn’t have thought he was a traitor. I was too busy laughing,” Olusoga said.
“Most people didn’t vote for [Carr] because how can you vote for someone who is so loveable?” asked Paloma Faith.
Carr said he had “absolutely loved” his time on the show.
“I want to do it again… I don’t think it would work a second time!”
Thursday evening’s final episode was extended to 70 minutes on BBC One. It had a different start than usual, as all the celebs knew who’d make it to the breakfast table.
There was some very uplifting, and very un-Traitors-esque music, as we recapped some moments from each of the finalists’ time in the castle.
As ever, Alan Carr gave us some of the most memorable lines.
“Let’s face it, I started this game a bit of a nervous wreck. I’ve thrown some really good friends under the bus, I’ve murdered national treasures in plain sight. I’m clearly a better liar and traitor than I thought I was.”
Meanwhile, Marler noted that being in the final was “way more stressful than playing for England”, while Olusoga said he was “completely amazed” to have made it so far. You and us both, David.
Early on in the episode, various contestants appeared to be making a bid to be the new style icon of the castle, taking over from murdered Jonathan Ross.
Carr emerged at breakfast looking like a 1950s US chat show host in a checked maroon suit, before changing into a bejewelled white suit.
But he was out-jacketted by Mohammed’s maroon velvet tuxedo. What a look.
Next up was the challenge, with the remaining contestants getting on board a train named – of course – The Traitors Express.
The challenge saw them ripping up portraits of former contestants. Spare a thought for Marler, who managed to get hit on the head THREE times by the lid of a heavy wooden box.
Before long, it was time for the roundtable.
Burns and Carr did a pinky promise beforehand, pledging to stick together. “We’ve come a long way, I’m not going to throw him under a bus,” said Burns, while Carr just giggled.
And Carr did stick to his promise. But, having slipped under the radar for most of the game, Burns still got the most votes.
Carr looked like he was in a world of pain to be the last traitor standing. “Now I’m on my own, I feel terrified,” he said. “I’m a loose cannon, a rudderless ship.”
Social media and onlookers were equally disappointed.
“Caaaattt! I did NOT want Cat to be banished. A truly loveable traitor,” said culture journalist Natalie Jamieson.
“Cat Burns, you will forever be remembered in Traitors history,” wrote one X user.
But there was no time to dwell on her departure. Before long, they were at the endgame – which was what we were really all here for.
The final four stood over the fire pit. And the Nick-Joe alliance broke down, just when it mattered the most, in a truly WTF moment.
Marler was painfully banished – after a shock vote from Mohammed, who turned against him.
“It hurts to be stabbed in the back last minute like that,” said Marler. And on the Uncloaked podcast later, we learned that if Marler ever texts Mohammed, he calls him Judas. Brutal (but deserved).
Finally, just three players remained in the game: Carr, Olusoga and Mohammed.
Carr, looking incredibly smug, voted to end the game. So did Olusoga, and it all came down to Mohammed, who did the same – which meant that Carr, as a traitor, was the winner.
For culture journalist Natalie Jamieson, the moment where Olusoga and Mohammed comforted Carr was “beautiful TV”. “I predict it will be in the running for memorable moment at next year’s Bafta TV awards,” she said.
Happily, Carr soon recovered from his bout of tears, and was able to enjoy the moment.
“What a rollercoaster. I was awful at lying, I had no poker face and here I am a winner,” Carr said.
And he even made light of that infamous murder – his best friend Paloma Faith in episode two – by reaching over to host Claudia Winkleman in the final scene and touching her cheek.
“You’ve got something on your face Claudia,” he said, with his trademark giggle.
The last few weeks of celebrity gossiping, scheming and the occasional fart may feel like one big crazy jumbled dream. But it really did all happen. And we will miss it.
‘ The preceding article may include information circulated by third parties ’
‘ Some details of this article were extracted from the following source www.bbc.com ’
