PETE Tong, once the Pied Piper of the rave generation, is now 65 and still doing it. And DJ isn’t the only job it’s tricky to be old and wizened in, as these celebs have learned:
Tamara Beckwith: it girl
Being quite pretty, reasonably posh and going to parties isn’t the most solid basis for a career, and Tamara’s has gone off the boil somewhat at the age of 55. Could she have a second coming as a glamorous elder advertising Saga holidays, walk-in baths and bedside commodes to the Met Bar set, or will the All Saints steal those jobs?
Pete Tong: DJ
Clubbing is inherently a young person’s activity, due to the lateness and Ministry of Sound not doing ‘pie and a pint’ nights. Pete seems to be coping but you know as he spins the latest Afro house tune that inwardly he’s muttering ‘in my day music had a bloody tune you could whistle, like DJ Misjah & DJ Tim’s Access’.
Harrison Ford: action hero
Action roles are a problem for geriatrics, and Harrison neglected to cultivate a long-running role where he moves around sedately like Patrick Stewart as Professor X. He broke a leg filming The Force Awakens and tore a shoulder muscle in the last Indiana Jones, and in both films the expression on his face made it abundantly clear it was not worth it.
Pamela Anderson: Baywatch babe
Sex symbol is a tough career post-menopause. The media loves to shame female celebs who refused to halt the ageing process almost as much as those who did. Pammie’s brief, fake relationship with Liam Neeson was treated with the same condescension as when eldsters shack up in the nursing home. Not great when you’re only 58.
James Brown: lad guru
Loaded editor James Brown was central to laddism in the 90s. Now he’s forced to constantly relive those years in every single interview, like some hellish Groundhog Day where he has to talk about trainers, football and Jo Guest in an unending loop.
John Lydon: punk
Ideally punks die young like Sid Vicious or Johnny Thunders, because the alternatives are becoming a sellout with a mortgage or continually trying to shock others at an undignified age. John chose the latter, but is supporting Brexit and Trump shocking from an old white man? The only thing stopping him becoming a golf club bore are his f**king stupid clothes.
Zoe Ball: ladette
Zoe was dubbed a ‘ladette’ in the 90s and to this day the media refer to it constantly despite her now being mumsier than your mum. Unfair to expect a 55-year-old to lead a party lifestyle when hangovers do not seem survivable and the entire bill at Glastonbury is less alluring than your own soft bed.
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