Even as country music continues to improve from the lowest of the lows during Bro-Country, there also continues to be some outright terrible “country” songs being released that offer a strong counter-argument to country music’s continuing improvement. We’ve already run down some of the Best Country Songs of 2026 So Far. Now let’s break all decorum, and let the worst “country” songs (in quotes) hear about it.
Luke Bryan – “Fish Hunt Golf Drink”
It would be celebrated as benevolent charity, and welcomed as a divine validation of the awesome presence of the Almighty if a hantavirus-infected rodent crawled up the keister of this incessantly embarrassing country music goober, and started gnawing away until it keeled him over, forever silencing his completely embarrassing, expendable, and culturally disastrous redneck shitracket.
In a slavish and naked attempt to stay relevant, Luke Bryan has released a song so spectacularly tooled and refined for optimum resonance in 2016, it’s outright eerie. Did Bryan take a blow to the noggin and somehow completely memory hole the last decade? Does the truly think that list-tastic Bro-Country swill is still all the rage, or ripe for resurrection? What in the Florida Georgia Line is he thinking by unleashing this atrocious pablum?
Luke Bryan almost never writes his own songs, because of course he sucks at it. But for some godforsaken reason, he decides to take a stab at it here, yet inadvertently bullseyes his own jugular, bleeding out whatever final modicum of popular relevance he might have been clinging to. (read full rant)
Lee Brice – “Country Nowadays”
Hey thanks Lee Brice for making all of country music, and all country music fans look like regressive cousin f-ckers, you horse’s ass. And an a pox on your house for attempting to revive the absolute most terrible excesses and sins of the Bro-Country era with your egregiously bad listing off of American country iconography, groveling to the very lowest level of low-brow denominators.
Nobody’s trying to tell you that you can’t mow your damn lawn or wear boots, or go fishing or whatever the hell else you say in this stupid song—you middle-aged, dork-ass, washed-up third-tier country entertainer hoping to springboard yourself back to relevancy by angling for “cancellation.” I thought victim casting was the domain of the left? You’re really trying to tell me you’re having a tough time of it, Lee Brice? Why, because you defaulted on your yacht loan because you haven’t had a hit in six years? Quit being such a pussy. (read full rant)
Russell Dickerson – “Boots” feat. Fetty Wap
If you’ve ever found yourself pondering what sound a possum might make when it’s being anally penetrated by something sharp and rusty against its will in a violent manner unlawful in certain states, then just listen to the excruciating, extremely Auto-Tuned signals from Russell Dickerson and Fetty Wap emanating from their single “Boots” without any ear protection, if you dare. This song must truly be a replication of the type of eternal audio torture one is sentenced to experience in the very innermost depths of Hell reserved for the most violent and perverted of all offenders.
Russell Dickerson has always been a spare, also-ran of the mainstream circuit flexing like he’s a superstar while he can barley fill Billy Bob’s Texas in Fort Worth at 60% capacity. I’m sure his label is licking it’s chops that this terrible Fetty Wap collab will be Dickie’s meal ticket to the big time, and vie for the “Song of the Summer.” But if the song’s blood-curdling screeches are any indication, this thing deserves a mercy killing out back behind the barn.
Breland – “In My Truck”
The only thing exceptional about Breland is how this wormy-looking nerd still has even the semblance of a career. The Country Music Urkel has never held any real country music cachet. The only thing that passes for a “hit” from him that didn’t feature him piggy backing off the popularity of someone else was his song “My Truck” from 2020. So now he releases a song called “In My Truck,” and inexplicably, figures out how to do himself one worse. And just like the video for “My Truck” that cast Breland rapping in front of three parked semis, so does “In My Truck.”
Behold these lyrics ladies and gentlemen:
Go, shawty, it’s your birthday
We gon’ party like it’s your birthday
Sippin’ whiskey like it’s your birthday
And you know we don’t give a damn if it’s your birthday
Real deep there Breland. And just when you think the entire experience couldn’t be any more unoriginal and shit-tasitc, someone drops the knowledge on you that “In My Truck” is simply an interpolation of the 50 Cent’s hit “In Da Club” from 2003. It’s hard to fathom a better illustration of the enshitification of American society. And it’s all due to how the industry and media has propped him up.
When this song was first released, it was graced by a complete slobber job by Rolling Stone that tried to preordain it as 2026’s “Song of the Summer. “‘In My Truck’ has all the hallmarks of a summer country hit: tight jeans, country boys, rhyming the word ‘truck’ with ‘mud.’” Does that rag have any more credibility left? Luckily, their pontifications couldn’t be any more incorrect. “In My Truck” has virtually flopped as it should, because it’s no longer 2020 and the media and industry can no long shove songs down our throats.
Lee Brice – “What You Know About That”
Remember when we used to regard Lee Brice as one of the good ones back when he had us all tearing up with “I Drive Your Truck”? Now he’s tractor rapping about chicks with tan legs at the age of 47. Who needs the return of Florida Georgia Line when Lee Brice is out there bloodying his knees bowing at the alter of Bro-Country and figuratively performing fellatio on the subgenre’s patron saints?
Lee Brice has sold out so hard and abruptly with his latest project that you herniate six discs in your back simply witnessing it. The only thing worse than selling out so hard you’re entire career becomes a laughing stock to anyone with any sort of taste is when you’re still horrifically unsuccessful afterwards.
Even with all the hate listening, the national spotlight that was shined on “Country Nowadays” when it was part of the whole Kid Rock Super Bowl alternative halftime, it still hasn’t cracked a million spins on Spotify. Neither has “What You Know About That.” This is probably the reason Brice’s latest album was bumped from a June release to October, though now they’re promising the release will come with the deluxe edition automatically featuring 32 tracks. This asshole now thinks he’s Morgan Wallen. 32 tracks of this nonsense?
Dishonorable Mention:
Caldwell – “FSU” (too insignificant to inadvertently give attention by shitting on)
Marshmello, Kelsea Ballerini – “Another Drink”
Chris Young, Breland – “If You’re Lucky”
Brantley Gilbert – “Good Ol’ Boys”
Any of the supposed “country” songs from Ne-Yo.
Any song off of Graham Barham’s Club Country.
Any song off of Independence Day from Bryan Andrews.
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